CaramelD
Please read this
news story. It's freaking me out a little. The man was awake for 23 years, he could hear everything and everyone but they (medical) thought he was in a coma and asleep. Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggghhhh. Nightmare. Imagine if they had decided to switch off life support!!!! I have goosebumps just thinking about it.
OK so haven't packed. Not one thing, not even one hair band. Nada. Spent the whole weekend looking for a white outfit! How stupid. I have a life!!
I got drenced over the weekend. The weather was, and still is atrocious. Cold biting rain and sharp winter winds equals very cold and soggy looking Britons. Some unfortuante people have been flooded out of their house. Still raining now actually. Lovely.
I'm in the office but I cleared my workload last week (Yes I can be efficient when I get off my butt) so I think I will clean my desk so that it is all nice and tidy when I get back.
Yes I'm bored.
Right now while typing this, my Dad has just sent a text asking for a hand held vacuum cleaner to clean the cobwebs that have gathered in the netting that was bought and stored ages ago for the new house. Hmm, where in my 23kg allowance will I fit in a hand held cleaner? Somebody help me and see. Don't be fooled by the fact that airlines allow you two pieces, my Maternal Unit has already commandered one piece. Can't they just use aziza (broom)? When did we start forming technological posh like this? Actually, that's not true my Dad is very English like that (when I was growing up I used to make his tea for him in a tea pot with free tea leaves and a strainer).
Aaaahhh the stories I could tell.
This hand held cleaner might not happen.
OK I am going to tidy my desk and leave notes for my Manager while listening to Vera's latest radio show.
I will try and blog while in Naija. Have a blessed couple of weeks :)
PS I am already suffering from withdrawal.
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CaramelD
I really don't like short dresses. A little above the knee is as far as I can go before I start fidgeting. My birthday dress (above) was so short for me I spent half the night twitching before the complimentary champagne kicked in.
So the nuptials I'm going for has an all white party attached to the celebrations and I was told last weekend. I doubt where I am going to find a white outfit in London in November.
Everything I have seen is too short (hence this polite rant). Even not too short stuff get lifted up at the back because of my bum so what to do? Please calling all London fashionistas, if you have any ideas please let me know before I go and get out my all white sports kit from NYSC camp!
TOO MUCH INFO ALERT !!!!
After nearly 4 months and no help from the docs, my period came back. Thank God. I hate the damn thing but it is too important to go MIA. I give credit to Sirius and her fruit and vegetable diet. She did it exclusively but I have no such discipline. I replaced half of everything I ate with fruit and veg and I think that is what helped. I may be wrong but at least my skin is clear and my tummy flat(ter)!
We have lost out on the third house, I don't have the energy to even talk about that yet. Only God knows how far with us and looking for a house.
PS Where is Temite????? In fact where is Laide (XSN) too? Afrobabe are you on strike? As for RocNaija, I am calling search and rescue. Don't make me start looking for all of you.
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CaramelD
As an old gateman I knew would say, "what da hell is wrong with me mehn?".
All this talk about housing issues and all the crap going on I forgot to write something exicting..I have bought my ticket! Oh yeah, Caramel Delight is of to Naija! Whoooooooop!
My friend with the speedy courtship is getting married and I'm off. I have been so caught up about the fact that her cousin bought a bridesmaid dress that is too small for me (mscheeeeewwww) and will need some kind of magician tailor and the fact that I had to rob a bank to pay for my last minute ticket that I forget to revel in the fact that I am on holiday for two weeks in the sunshine and will have access to roast plantain and suya and if my Dad can manage it I will get to see him and my brother as I'm up north.
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP! DO THE SHUFFLE!
[Scene One]
A young fine voluptuous black woman walks in Heathrow airport with a full trolley that has a dodgy wheel. She walks to the airport desk and checks in. With her boarding pass in hand she dazzles the airline staff with her 100 watt smile, says thank you and walks away with her hand luggage and handbag.
She walks into the food court, brings out a small CD player, places in the middle of the room and presses play as provocative cabaret music starts to play. Our young dazzling heroine then proceeds to slowly peel off the gloves, scarf, coat, jumper, t-shirt, tights and wool trousers till all that remains is a one piece Ankara bathing suit.
[Que airport security]
OK fine I won't do it but I feel like it :)
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CaramelD
I don't consider myself a stupid person but let me just say I seriously underestimated the drama with moving from a house you have lived in for 20 years. Rita asked me once if I would be sad, the problem is that I didn't have time to be sad! In the end with all the bags of stuff we gave away and the colossal amount we threw away (some of it behind my Mother's back) we still filled up a big moving van twice and a mini van (like sandwich vans) three times. Chineke!
May God bless my friends that helped, my Uncle that drove down from Birmingham in the early hours of the morning, and my cousins who have turned wrapping into an art form (they read my blog cough cough) and I thank the Holy Spirit for holding me back so I didn't back hand the moving van man that was shouting at my Mother! Who born you? I ran out of the bathroom in just my wrapper (I swear I didn't remember I was undressed) and told him to STOP SHOUTING AT MY MOTHER! See trouble oh! The day before he had seen three family members to help him so when he came the next day and they weren't there he started hollering that we are taking advantage of him! What exactly is your bloody job description?
Anyway I am not glamorously homeless, a friend of mine kindly offered her empty flat. So we are just perching till we find a house that works.
There is so much bad stuff happening this week. I don't even have the energy to list them. Yes oh, they can be listed!!! I have been praying extra because it was coming from all angles. My manager not liking my work, deaths, accidents, serious illnesses, Christmas plans going to pot (a pox on the British High Commission) my Dad and his family wahala AGAIN!!! This time they called police men from Benin to come and arrest my Dad and one of his brothers who didn't agree to join the idiots and the police came two days after the poor man's traditional wedding. What must his poor bride be going through?
So I am doing that mind exercise where you list your favourite things to make you feel better. If you could do with some cheering up, add your own, trust me it helps.
- Long unhurried phonecalls from my favourite people.
- Chicken Laska soup (yummmm and less than 5% fat)
- Hot bubble baths
- When my brother makes my Dad call me so he can say goodnight before he goes to bed.
- Black men in a good suit (whoosh)
- Abba. I can't get enough Abba in my life.
- My cousin's legendary game nights. I have found I have an untapped talent for Taboo and Charades. Pictionary is a killer though.
- Blogsville, though I miss the Old Guard, the new writers on the block are blowing my mind.
- Hot pink or fire engine red on my toes.
- Lighting a candle in Church, it's like my prayers are continued even though I have left.
- ..........and foot rubs (I got introduced to that recently, oh my).
You see? Feeling better.
PS My computer is in storage with everything else so forgive any long gaps. I can only blog from work now during my break.
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CaramelD
Hold fire on the champagne ladies, the second house has fallen through. They were trying to play a sharp move on my Maternal Unit and she has called their bluff. Basically we were going to rent from them till the legal stuff was complete and we officially 'bought' it. Then at the 11th hour when we called to ask for the keys to come and clean the house they said, "we won't give you the house till you complete".
Well my Mum said they could piss off, she's not buying again. So we are still moving out this Friday but to a storage facility and I will be gloriously homeless.
You have to love life.
In other breaking news, after five blood tests and an ultrasound, the doctors had nothing new to tell me. No explanation to my harsher symptoms. If anything, the cysts have reduced! But no monthly dooda. That pissed me off more than the house. I wanted answers to my freaky womb issues. I was so wound up, I came and slept. The thinking had tired me out.
I woke after 40 minutes (power nap) prayed, had a cup of tea and watched Phineas & Ferb and felt better. God dey (as always).
My friend (of the 4month courtship) is in town to buy some wedding stuff. Please bloggers help me and thank God. The bridesmaid dress she wanted us to wear was not in stock or something. Phewwwwww. It has that skirt that is pinched in places and looks like a duvet (Americans read: comforter) or some kind of bedding, you bring out when you have house guests. Nooo way! I used sharp sense and said I would help her look and found a classic elegant design which hopefully should be in stock.
In my Narnia bedroom (see former post) I found my First Holy Communion pictures. My Maternal Unit had put my hair in one bunch and decided to put one hair roller one each side of my head so I could have curls or ringlets (watching too many white kids on tv gave her ideas). She didn't figure that my side hair wasn't long enough, therefore there wasn't enough hair to go around the roller. The end result was hair in half a bend upwards, looking like I had HORNS on the side of my head like a little imp in white!
If I have the guts, I'll put up the picture. Can I sue?
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CaramelD
I'm not a slacker but I'm tired. I'm a strong Nigerian woman but my feet hurt. For a few minutes I'm going to allow myself to wish that I had a man into whose arms I could crawl and tell how my day was while he rubbed my feet and listened patiently while I ranted about estate agents, bastard solicitors, lost deliveries, weekend long work projects and the vanishing brown sellotape.
I would get my hug, my kisses and a slight admonishment not to call bastards solicitors as it would hurt their feelings. Then I would fall asleep in his arms having found my first moment of peace in the day. Oh well.
We got the house and we will be allowed to rent it while the paperwork is being completed.
I should be exicted but I can't be bothered.
Met a gunshot victim today. Had his left eye and half his skull destroyed by just one tiny motion. I told him that I had never been so close to a miracle before.
Blogging via Blackberry is hard.
I have found all sorts of crap in my room while packing out. It's so bizarre I wouldn't be surprised if I walked through my wardrobe and came out into Narnia.
Baby showers now have online gift lists! How disturbed am I?! I blame America.
I feel a bit better now. Good night and God bless x
Ps dear Myne Whitman, you are 10 times a better writer than the author of a book I tried to read today. It was so badly written, your story deserved whatever money was spent putting that rubbish to print!
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CaramelD
Just yesterday I told my Mum that she was cracking up. Why? She left the electric blanket on in her bedroom overnight while she went to work and that is a serious fire hazard. She also left the key in the lock of our side door, also overnight! My guardian angel must have been working overtime (thank you guardian angel sorry for stressing you). So there I am begging my Maternal Unit to take it easy before I get murdered in my bed before my time.
Then what did I do?
I made a rookie mistake in a press release I wrote yesterday. I'm still kicking myself over that one. Then I came to work today with our house phone in my handbag. [sigh].
I guess my promise not to stress isn't holding that well. Well we can't rent our house anymore. SO we have to bounce by the 31st and the house we want to buy, the agent omitted to tell us that is it ex-council which means we wouldn't have offered the price we did for it. So we are looking again.........
Here is the joke my manager sent to cheer me up, enjoy.
The Funeral Procession
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.
Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.
Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this.
Whose funeral is it?'
'My wife's.
''What happened to her?'
The man replied , 'My dog attacked and killed her'
He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?'
The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.'
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.
'Can I borrow the dog?'
The man replied, 'Get in line.'
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