The Diary of a Lost One

The Storyteller

2011-12-13T18:39:00.003Z

Have you ever had your parents tell you to be someones friend by force because they know their parents or are related in some way? Isn't that the very best way to make sure your eyes don't even jam the person? It's just cringe worthy!

So when I started boarding school, and my Mum told me to look out for two sisters who were related to me in my new school, I just rolled my eyes. First of all the oldest sister was in SS3 (evilllssssss) and the second sister, while my age was four years in front class wise (double noooo). During the year, the oldest sister smiled my way and checked in on me from time to time and I thought OK, she is cool. I had the feeling that if I was in deep doo doo she would step in but she just let me be which I was very grateful for. As for the second sister, I can honestly say a couple of years passed before I spoke to her properly, no mean feat considering that we were in the same dorm!

The more I spoke to her, the more I liked her. She had an easy charm of breeziness and smiles that made her more human than her 'senior' counterparts. My memory isn't helping here but I feel like one day it just seemed normal to always go and see her and hang and chat. In the weekends her corner would always be full. Why? She was telling a story.

It might be a book or a film she had seen during the holidays but there she would be recounting it scene for scene or chapter for chapter. Hands waving in the air, face alight with expression, sometimes we would even get different voices thrown in for effect. She was so good at this that twice later on when I watched two films I had never seen before, I had de ja vu because I could swear I knew the characters and scenes. It would only be later that I would realise that it was because she had told us about it at school. Her talents also went to writing and drawing. I still have birthday paintings that were perfectly created from quite dodgy secondary school paint sets (ahem).

We left school, went to uni and I count her as my sister and know for a fact that my adult life is so much better because she is in it. Even though she went on to forge a career as an Architect, one thing that never died was her love of storytelling, just that now she is writing her own stories. From full scalp exercise books, to word documents, we are now at the point where she is publishing her work and letting the outside world have look and what we have been enjoying since.

I'm very proud of her (even though we have beef because she doesn't give me enough romance lmao!!) because she is putting her dreams into action, unlike a lot of people, me included who just dream and don't have the courage to do something about it. So if you love finding new authors and you have a taste for something out of the ordinary, check out her blog http://www.caeblogs.wordpress.com/ and her book 'The Other Slipper' which is available on every e-reading platform out there and let her know what you think.

PS big kisses to the people who have been looking for me. I dey oh, more gist on the way from my trip to Nigeria.

An Adele inspired epiphany

2011-11-09T18:44:00.001Z

The very thought of trying to chronicle my recent trip to Nigeria and my Grandma's funeral has me breaking out in a cold sweat and my nasty reaction to my malaria medication is not helping so I thought I would ease myself in back to blogging by sharing my recent epiphany.

I was on Twitter and Aribaba of Jaguda.com fame tweeted something to the effect that he felt that he wasn't emotionally shook up enough to truly enjoy the power of Adele's 21 album and I replied that I had the same thought that week when I was listening to the album as well.

Then it hit me.........

I really wasn't burnt any more. Not by any of them! If you cast your eyes over the past four years of my blog there are a few names that totally cut me off at the knees emotionally but somewhere along the way I really just let it go! Trust me this is a big deal. Before it was a boost to hear their name and not want to hurl, but now I went through the names in my head and my head, heart or stomach did not lurch!

That is what brings me back to Adele's album. The woman is a an emotional genius. You would think that one of her eleven songs were solely talking about you. She doesn't hold anything back, not the anger, the sadness, the desperation...it's all there! But as much as I love love love her, I listen to the songs with appreciation but not my requisite sack cloth and ashes. It is sooooo liberating.

Trust me I don't know when it happened. With ExH, he has changed so much I can't even see the man I fell in love with so moving on was no hardship. Then there is Baked Beans, now here I really feel someone should give me a gold star and an A+ grade. I went home to Nigeria and not once did I call or text him (yeah me!!!). My official stance will always be that we could have been fabulous but I no longer feel like he owes me anything. It's just an acceptance that none of these men were for me, even the one I never named but always called him the Prototype (to my perfect man) oh well, we will always have London!

I thank God shah, big girls like me don't need the extra baggage (hmm let me go weigh myself, emotional baggage must be about a couple of pounds at least!!). Maybe this is how I start my new decade. I don't know how and when it happened but I like it!!! Ladies and gentlemen I declare myself ex-free!

Kiss me

2011-09-23T17:07:00.003+01:00

Kiss me.

What?!!!

Kiss me, I'm serious.

Where the hell did that come from?

Well, it's all I've been thinking about. Some of my mind was focused on planning the party, but the rest has been focused on your lips. Lord, who knew drinking Ribena could be erotic? You might have single handedly messed up my childhood memories of that drink.

Whoooosh! you're nuts.

..and you're blushing. I bet you hate your skin tone during moments like this. Just come closer and kiss me, one little kiss. I won't bite. I want to taste you, the Ribena and that new pink lipgloss thingy you've started using of late.

You noticed my lipgloss??!!!

Yup, I've noticed your lip gloss, and how you keep your portions of sweets for your brother..well apart from the truffles. I've noticed how you wear small earrings on the days you work out and I've noticed how you use a mixture of charm and cunning to keep our project under budget. I've noticed too many things when it comes to you. Now stop changing the subject and come here and kiss me.

I'm not moving.

Why? I thought, that maybe.....well I thought there was something..? I'm sorry. You must think I'm a right prat.

Yes, yes, yes. There is something but I think it's safer for me to have the table between us.

Why?

Well, if we start kissing I might not ever want to stop.

Oh. Ohhhhh. That's a risk I'm willing to take.

A weekend of sisterhood and other bursts of extraordinary happiness (UPDATE)

2011-08-31T11:26:00.001+01:00

It's a miracle!

I'm writing a post. Quick no one breathe before something happens and I'm forced to step away from my computer. (PS Yes I know this is not what I promised but it's a bank holiday and I'm dropping two posts today!! Yes boss!!!)

I keep stopping to dance, right now it's Naeto C's 10/10. Love that song and he isn't bad on the eyes ;)

OK, back to the story. Well this wonderful weekend didn't start well. Friday morning had my monthly mortal enemy arrive with a vengeance and unlike recent months, my normal double dose of ibuprofen just wasn't cutting it. I also had enrolment where we leave our normal offices and help out fee assessing our new students and I'm there trying to fill out paperwork in front of new students and looking like I'm dying slowly. In the end my colleague had to put me in a taxi because it was raining terribly and I couldn't handle London Underground if my life depended on it.

I was spending the weekend with my cousins. We were having a hen weekend for the oldest sister and she lived in America so I don't get to see her often. I think listening to the funny story of how she met her hubby to be and the hot water bottle they got for me helped me ease up on the nausea and general feeling of wretchedness.

Friday night = dinner at a very poshhhh restaurant in Camden in the VIP section (chai I love sampling the good life) with flawless food from dim sum to a Thai chicken curry that would make the chicken proud to have ended up in such a product in its afterlife. We then went dancing upstairs where the bride to be, complete in her sash and tiara convinced people that she was getting married the very next day and she got lots of hugs from strangers and even got the DJ to change his set list LMAO!!!

We left in the early hours and I'm glad I got to dance it off but I really still had that hippo feeling, like a bloated cow but what I loved was the stories and laughter floating over my head and every given moment. Saturday morning saw us waking up slowly (read recovering) while the youngest started cooking for later that evening, we got ready and in the afternoon we all trooped to a very swanky hotel for afternoon tea, done the very English way. That includes, pots of tea of your choice, sandwiches (very cute and dinky), a waistline blasting selection of cakes and then...fresh baked scones with Cornish clotted cream and jam. Chai!! I should use this opportunity to report myself. I didn't know it was all a big surprise for the bride and I let it slip beforehand asking in my loud Caramel voice "the hotel where we are going for afternoon tea is it POSH??!! What's the dress code???" You can rest assured I got sent to the naughty corner.

Dancing time. Right now it's M.I and Flavour's Number 1. I love this song!!!!!!

OK, back to the story. Highlight of tea time, was having everyone go around the table saying three things about themselves that we don't know, and us trying to crash a Nigerian wedding that was going on in one of the ballrooms. My goodness I think there were four weddings going on. I spotted two Nigerian ones, one English and a small Indian wedding. On our way out, we walked into Man City players getting off their coach and I swear a few players looked a bit put out that we just walked past them, something like how can a group of young women pass us like that?! Hahahaha. I thought I was the only one who noticed but others picked up on it! Abeg guys! chill jo, it's not like that. You are still human. Man City for that matter! Mscheeewwww.

When we got to back to the flat, party games started!!! Who would think that rolls of toilet tissue, sellotape, ten minutes on the clock and a wedding dress challenge could bring out Project Runway type behaviour from all of us hehehehe! We also had a likes/dislikes quiz (to my future children, your aunties have weird taste in men), and a game of charades that still baffle my powers of description!!

The night ended with a heady mix of very potent cocktails mixed by the maid of honour, serious dancing and gifts which included edible undergarments (ahem)! Shout out to the bride's sisters for serious organising flair. We all had a fabulous time!

Other awwww/happy moments from the weekend

The maid of honour is in the middle of a very possible romance. No one knows the future but it was good for this cynic to meet a guy who knows what and who he wants and is willing to put actions to his words. (AWWWW).
I haven't mentioned it here but my Dad has been having beef with his two sisters who unwisely dealt with their guilt of not being there for their Mum before she died by carrying on with a whole load of stupidity that I wouldn't expect from people older than me, but I'm happy to report that with the help of a priest, they have a truce and I pray my Grandma's funeral goes off without any drama.
BEST NEWS OF ALL!!! I HAVE A NEW GODSON!!! Delivered safely yesterday evening!! I really hope my family don't read my blog because never have I been so excited about a new baby in my life!!! Talk about favouritism!! I can't wait to meet him!!! Countdown for two months till I meet him starts now. Oh my goodness he will get his own memory card because I will not be able to stop taking pictures :) Mum and baby are doing fine. I'm just waiting for his Dad to give us a name. Could this be our first Blogger Baby?
PS Read all about my new Godson here :) http://redoje.blogspot.com/2011/08/try-mister.html Part 2 is here: http://redoje.blogspot.com/2011/08/try-mister-28811_31.html

Jam and butter post

2011-08-01T15:30:00.003+01:00

I realised that I have missed my four year anniversary post. Should have been last week, it was only when I called into Vera's radio show and was arguing with Foxy P about anonymous bloggers that I realised that my four year baiday don reach. I didn't know what to put up in celebration. Briefly considered a pole dancing video but decided to wait for year five for that LMAO!!! So I'm going to do a picture post with all the stuff I've been getting up to with regards to my 30b430 list.

Before that post, I decided to drop a few lines here and wave hello to you all while I gather all my photos. So this is just an interim post holding the blog together like jam and butter :)

Hope you all are doing well. It's hot hot hot in London and I want to take off my leggings in the office but I might get into trouble so still figuring that out.

My Dad went back home to Naija and I can breathe again for a couple of months before he comes back to finish his treatment (phewwwww).

Serious planning is on for my birthday house party! I've made a food and drinks list and got a professional photographer, just need to sort out my DJ (my poor neighbours). I did my guest list and there are toooooooo many women. All fabulous gorgeous women of course, but not enough guys. I don't need them to hookup with anyone or anything, I just need them to be there, visible and mingling. Hmph! In the great immortal words of our generation;

"Where the men at?"

Hahahahahahaha !!!

Well this is awkward...........

2011-07-17T19:10:00.002+01:00

For the first time in years I didn't go to Church today and I'm not sick.

I woke up to find a rare occurrence of my Dad going out for the day and my Mum at work till 8pm this night and the house was suddenly quiet. No one calling on me for this, that or the other and the other and suddenly my body just crumpled. I sort of have a hazy memory of my Dad saying something about putting his underwear in the washing machine but that just seemed like a dream. Next thing I know, it's 11.30am and my last local Mass is 12pm. Well, I just decided to go to the church a quick bus ride away for the 6.30pm mass later in the day and just about dragged my body to wash and spread said laundry.

Then I think I slept again, tweeted , cleaned the bathroom and had cereal. But it was all very surreal, I couldn't face the thought of seeing people, having to interact with the public, having to even brush my hair. It was just like I was shutting down very slowly. I had run out of pep.

I did manage to haul myself five minutes down the road to the salon to get my face done (wax off those pesky hairs that threaten my already frayed self esteem) but the beautician wasn't in! That will teach me!!

What makes it so awkward is that my Dad came home early, so at the old age of 29 I lied that I had been to another Church down the road (I'll let you all know what happens if/when he figures that one out) and I resented having to lie. Something along the lines of "I can make choices without having to justify myself..." went through my brain.

But I'm still not fussed. My brain is still switched off on some weird level and I refuse to engage, because if I do, all I will hear may be my voice silently screaming.

But those few hours where it was me and the quiet house was absolute bliss. I didn't have to put on a Caramel performance and smile and say funny things and be 'me'. It was just one woman and her bed and I loved it.

Tessa

2011-06-10T19:47:00.003+01:00

It has been a month now since my Grandma died. She was my Dad's Mum and was 99. She had outlived five of her eight children and her husband. I am grateful for her life and I know she was really bad in the end, it's actually by the grace of God that my Mum was around when my Grandma passed away if not it would have been just our new housekeeper and that would have been so sad especially as her two daughters leave a bit to be required and my Dad was here waiting for the all clear from his doctor.

I know she wasn't born an automatic Grandma, and I sometimes wonder about the young girl who married a senior clerk in the First Republic and then watched him become a king and increase their small home to 20 more wives and over 50 children. I have heard stories of her ruling the household with a strong hand, but late at night, I wonder how she felt when she saw the mammoth tasks waiting for her the next day, the squabbles, the drama and all that? I wonder how it felt to lose five children from infancy to their 40s? I know her religion was her greatest comfort and trust me no one did Church like her!

The most powerful memories I will carry with me are from my holidays in my home town during boarding school and the quick trips I would make during NYSC. When I was a teenager from about 12 onwards, My Grandma got seriously boot camp on me! I recall a time she locked away the gas cylinder so I would properly learn how to cook with firewood and the waking me up at 5am for daily morning mass. Nothing though, absolutely nothing, says 'Grandma' to two generations of children who lived in the Palace at sometime or the other than her ringing her bell, every night, come rain or shine for rosary and woe betide you if you were in the compound and dodged. Once during holidays, she figured out that I had started visiting my cousins 15 minutes before rosary time, so she got me to start ringing the bell for her! Classic!

She had razor sharp wit and very dry humour and it took a while for it to show but when it did, you would realise how mischievous she could be. She always fussed over me but in the background, never making a big deal out of anything. Just making sure things got done like helping me prepare for a new school term or keeping extra head scarves for me for Church as I always forgot to bring mine.

These days I get a little tug inside when I pass all her favourite things that My Mum and I would buy for her like her Vitamin E cream, malted biscuits, musical cards and the obligatory matching bag and flat shoes for morning mass. These are just little everyday reminders that whisper of memories of a great woman, who had seen such joy and pain in equal measure but had lived her life, always serving her family and her God.

I had to include one of her favourite prayers, the last she promised to teach me in Igbo, but never did.

Rest in Peace Mama, stay forever blessed.

The Magnificat

My soul glorifies the Lord, *

my spirit rejoices in God, my Saviour.

He looks on his servant in her lowliness; *

henceforth all ages will call me blessed.

The Almighty works marvels for me. *

Holy his name!

His mercy is from age to age, *

on those who fear him.

He puts forth his arm in strength *

and scatters the proud-hearted.

He casts the mighty from their thrones *

and raises the lowly.

He fills the starving with good things, *

sends the rich away empty.

He protects Israel, his servant, *

remembering his mercy,

the mercy promised to our fathers, *

to Abraham and his sons for ever.

Breaking the curse

2011-06-08T17:47:00.002+01:00

I'm just going to sit here and type one sentence. Just one sentence!!! OK more than one. I need to break the writing curse that has plagued me. All because of no time! None what so ever. I don't even have kids so what is going on? I can't take it! So I am officially clearing the cobwebs from here!!!

PS I have sooooooo much to say. I could stay shackled to my computer for ever.

See you tomorrow.

Vanishment vs Closure

2011-04-26T14:33:00.002+01:00

I'm just going to say this real quick so forgive me if I make mistakes. What I am about to go on about happened a while back but a girl I know is going through something similar right now and it annoyed me all over again so I know it is still irratating me.

In any kind of relationship don't just disappear into the air. Whether it is deep relationship, friendship, sex buddy. Whatever!! Don't just stop calling, emailing or texting or whatever the hell form of communication you were using to talk to someone! That is just not on! That is rude and hurtful! If you ever feel like doing it, come back to this post and hear me shouting in a loud voice!

IT'S A COWARDLY WAY OUT.

If things are getting too much for you, if you have problems pulling you away, if you don't want to talk to that person again, you can say "Look it's all a bit much at the moment, I need to stop things etc etc." No matter how the person may not like it, it will be better than dead air, you ignoring their calls or not replying their emails. The person will now be wondering "Errrrr what happened/ what did I do?"

A friend did this to me. First I thought he was sick or something and called twice. Two times he replied with, "I promise to call you back and explain." Nothing. Then I sent a message on FB. Again dead air. Yet at the same time, I could see him chatting with other people on his page! Haba! See stress! I was baffled, then hurt, then very angry! After more air, I deleted him off FB. I couldn't comprehend what I had done to warrant such behaviour and from someone I thought was important.

Last story. I fell for this guy big time. He was my prototype, the idea of what my perfect guy could be. It wasn't him though and we both knew that. Yet when he decided to cool things down, how he did it was to bring to a sharp halt the calls and emails and chats and then move to random phrases under my FB pictures like some old school friend from primary school! Dude please! After cavier you are downgrading me to chips? I don't think so! I am not your hi/hello friend. In my humble opinion, I would have preferred a phone call explaining your thought processes. No one here is a child. I think we all deserve some kind of heads up!

I can say this with full authority because I have been on both sides. I had to tell a guy that I didn't feel the way he did, and I was dreading it! I felt sick to my stomach because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. It would have been very easy to just ignore his calls and emails and give him dead air but I called and we had a long (and excrutiating) phone call. He can never say he doesn't know how things stand, that way you don't have to spend time scratching your head.

ALLOW PEOPLE HAVE CLOSURE SO THAT THEY CAN MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!!

This rant does not apply to stalker/pyscho types who you have had a conversation with and they are now staking out the dumpster outside your flat looking through your trash. No! This is for normal sane folks.

If you have any thoughts please share them with me, I would love to hear what you think!

OK rant over.

The Double D Update

2011-04-11T10:31:00.003+01:00

*Warning!! The first part of the post is not to be read while eating**

Dad

So they did a scan last week and found two areas of pus in his abdomen. So from what I can gather, because they sent him home one day after the surgery, all the liquid from the operation hadn't drained properly. it now got infected and turned into the awful substance that looked like a mixture of boils, vomit and Irish Cream. It was not cool! So this crap had been in his body for three weeks and that was what was making him so ill. The moment they inserted a drain and the crap started coming out, his fever immediately vanished. This is all new knowledge for me but I have learnt oh. Post operative complications are so varied.

He is feeling so much better and starting to eat. He has lost so much weight though and that was worrying. We go to the hospital with food flasks full of different meals to get him to eat. It is important and I am happy to do it but hear me when I say, I could do with never seeing that hospital again in my life!

Hopefully he should be home soon to finish recuperating and driving us up the wall. Thanks be to God.

Date

OK confess, were you guys all very excited about my date? LMAO!! What a sad reflection on my social life. I should have put up a disclaimer. This wasn't a date we could get excited about. You know, one of those ones that open up a door of maybes. This was a 'satisfy my curiosity' date on both our parts.

He met me after work on Wednesday and I was very grumpy :) I wasn't expecting to see him that day, as that was the day he came in. I was dressed in what I call M&S Mumsy Chic (smart but not sexy) and I was wrecked and tired..so full on grumpy mode. We had dinner near my office and I was glad I had waited. Let me say now straight off, very hot! Over 6 ft tall and broad shoulders with some muscles. I felt small and I love that. Hmmm yummy!

The chemistry was there that night and also on Saturday when we hung out, there is no denying that. You would have to be blind to deny it and I can see! The thing is, he was playing the mysterious card. Honestly it was like seeing a good book on the shelf all glossy and fabulous. You have read the blurb on the back and you want to read more but the book is tightly bound with cellophane wrap so tight that you need a nuclear device to rip it open.

Most of the time the conversation would flow, then he would slip into mystery speak and I'm trying to puzzle him out. Like all humans when I slot the experience into my memory banks, the charm, the politeness, the humour will be over shadowed by the headache inducing 'phantom moves'.

The good thing is that while with him, I wasn't thinking too much about hospitals and work. I could just be a a young woman, enjoying someone's company.

So I promise to give you a guys a signal when I go on a date we can get excited about, but this was just a quick day trip out of my less than sunny reality x

PS If God could whip me up another guy that looks like he did I won't say no ;)

It's the phone calls that get you in the end

2011-04-04T12:37:00.006+01:00

It never stops ringing. Honestly. From seven in the morning till midnight. If I could I would change the answering message to:

"For the 99% of callers calling for Prince Paternal Unit, sorry he isn't in at the moment. He is currently in hospital receiving blood transfusions and IV antibiotics as his infection levels are 300 points higher than normal. Please call his hospital number on 1234 5678 if you want to speak to him. For the remaining 2% asking after his wife and daughter, his wife is busy and tired and rapidly losing an alarming amount of weight. His daughter wishes she could lose weight but is instead has taken to being ill herself through exhaustion, fainting at work (like an idiot) and failing her driving theory test as she didn't read for it. Thank you and God bless."

You see that way I wouldn't repeat myself over and over again. It is nice I guess, because it shows how imporatant he is to people in three continents. I guess no one wants to be one of those people who fall ill and die and no one notices till your deliveries start piling up outside your door or your cats eat you but still!!! The phone needs to stop ringing.

I'm just happy they have re-admitted him. If my Mum wasn't stubborn, they would keep fobbing us off and saying take this and take that and he will soon be better. Huh! Not true. Two weeks after the operation and he was still so ill. Let's see what the consultants say today.

In other news, the inspection is over in my College and we did very well, so I guess the 12 hr works days were worth it. I can't do it again though. I've got three years before the next inspection to move. It was NUTS!!!!

My theory test was another story. I read in one night, got there the next morning to find out that I am meant to bring the paper portion of my provisional license as well. My test was for 9.30 am and it was 9.25. The lady told me she sould give me till 10.45 to run home (thirty minutes away) and get the paper and come back.

SEE PANIC.

I ran back to the train station and called my friend who was in her pjs having a chilled Saturday morning. She jumped in the shower and met me back at my house and we drove back to the centre at 10.40am! I was a minature wreck. I then proceeded to fail by two points. I no fit talk. I'm not even pissed, just weary. I want to thank my sister in arms though for letting me yank her from her sofa and watching the Good Wife.

Finally, a very hot date is meant to be on the cards for this week, and by now you know I would have my 'A' game on. You know, you know now! Is it not me again, a woman has her pride! But my weekend was in the hopsital, so no hair, nails, new outfits runs. I also feel like a WHALE thanks to MEGA OUTFIT DISTORTING BLOATING because of my stupid period. The damn thing was a week late, which happens when I'm ill. So I'm kind of flat. God dey shah.

I wonder how many dates have been in jogging bottoms on a sofa watching Grey's Anatomy? Hmmmm.

A thank you and a favour

2011-03-23T18:36:00.001Z

Dear God,

Thank you.

Thank you very very very much. You got my Dad through a nasty six hour surgery and into recovery. For that I am grateful as I know many people lose their lives on the operating table.

If you wouldn't mind, so as not to spoil your good work, please make my Dad behave. It would be a shame if he survived the operating table only to have his devoted wife of 30 years kill him.

I have never seen such in my life.

If you can't make him behave for the sake of your lovely handiwork, then make him behave on my behalf. I am working 12 hour days and the last thing I need when I drag my battered and weary body home is to walk into a war zone.

I do not want to be on Crimewatch or have my home turned into a crime scene. Fingerprint powder is very hard to clean.

I know you are very busy but thank you for listening.

WORDS/PHRASES I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR FOR A WHILE

My own name, over and over again in the space of thirty minutes.
"Aunty or Uncle have come to visit and they have brought fruit"
I want my water slightly heated but not hot"
"It's too hot"
"Reduce it"
"Pick it up"
"I don't want it anymore"

Could there really be seven things you don't know about me?

2011-02-11T10:24:00.003Z

Because God knows I expose myself here on a monthly basis and have been doing so for nearly four years. What's left ? hahahahaha!

Thank you to BSNC for giving me the Versatile and Stylish Blogger award. I feel very stylish as I sit here and type! I have sooooo much tori that I will put up this post seperately and come back over the weekend for the rest of the gossip. OK here goes (I had to rack my brain a bit for this ):

1. When I am in a rush, my right hand types quicker that my left, which means that my words may be jumbled up like this: Hwere is Caramle Deligth ?

2. I have a serious pet peev with people who crack their bubble gum and make it pop and explode with their teeth. I just think it sounds awful. The sound to me sounds like someone is scratching a blackboard. Urghhh!

3. I am a very sensual person, I love hugging, touching etc. Since we are confessing, there is a freak in there as well. The fact that I'm very particular over who gets to see that side of me, doesn't mean I'm a prude (which some burnt men have mentioned hahaha).

4. On that note, number four is that I have a cool trick of putting my leg over my head :)

5. I can't sleep properly when travelling. Even on 14 hour flights, it is just not happening. So I really value multiple channels with all the on demand movies, shows and radio shows.

6. I do entire dance routines from movies and videos in my kitchen and dining room when I'm doing chores. I even use props like chairs. I though I would have overgrown it by now but nope! My friend was once in a bad mood so to cheer her up (and to her shame and horror) I did Beyonce's 'Single Ladies' on a train platform in London with people watching :)

7. Dirty kitchens and bathrooms freak me out. Seriously. No joke. Grime around the bath, or dried toothpaste around taps or darkened toilet bowls oh no no no no. Let the rest of your house go to blazes but where you prepare your body and your food? Ah please oh!

OK that was my dry list. Have a lovely and relaxed weekend xxx
PS More yarns on the way.
PPS I have a small girl crush on BSNC.

Oh the shame!

2011-01-27T15:09:00.002Z

So today at work I am dressed in black tousers, a black vest and and a cream and brown cardigan that doesn't close. I have been up and down the office, talking to everyone in my office and some colleagues in my building.

Around midday I had a meeting with my line manager and the first thing she said is "I can see your leopard print bra"!!!

Chai Jesus!

For three hours I had been walking around with my top completely see through and my bra nice and visible!

The shame!

My top is normally not see through at all. My only explanation is that while on my period my normally big chest goes even bigger and it must have stretched my top more than usual.

See what women suffer!!

PS I have finally booked my theory test. All prayers for success happily welcome.

Just a few minutes

2011-01-24T09:45:00.003Z

Ermmmmmm my blog is meant to be a coping mechanism for my life. But my life is now running at a speed that seems to not allow me have time for my blog! Well that's just ridiculous! I refuse to stop writing. Where else will I mutter and rant about all the bizarre things that happen in the never ending drama called life?

So I'm in my office and I'm in early. I could start on one of the never ending news stories I have to write, or start my award submission or call our student ambassadors for help in our events, but no. I'm going to write instead and damn everything else for the next ten minutes.

Well where to start?

Well I don't like my job that much anymore. It breaks my heart to say this but it's true. I also not loving having my pay frozen for the next two years. I can't help run my house on this income so I will have to start looking for a new job around summer.

Oooooooh I'm going to Miami!!! I'm going to Miami !!!!!!!! I'm going to Miami!!!! This will be first non-family related trip to America and I can't wait. It will also be a perfect opportunity to work through my 30b430 list. I haven't forgotten it you know! In fact I shall be crashing a party this weekend if everything goes to plan (that is number 14).

My Dad is back in London for a barrage of more tests and Mum in still in Nigeria for another two weeks, which means me in the kitchen (more so that usual) scratching my head for meal ideas to keep my Dad happy till my Mum gets back (long tings!!!!).

Britain is still full of doom and gloom and everyone hates David Cameron and thinks Nick Clegg is the greatest betrayer since Judas Iscariot.

My work load has tripled and I'm working longer hours which makes not want to exercise anymore. The result is a bigger Caramel and it's not funny at allllllll. My gym membership is going by the wayside so I'm going to cancel it and go to local community classes in kickboxing and Zumba.

Here's a little thing I heard yesterday and want to share: "Fear knocked at the door, faith answered and no one was there."

OK time is up! Back to the salt mines. Shout out to all my favourite bloggers whose blogs I miss reading :(

The Reluctant Optimist

2011-01-04T13:11:00.003Z

So.......on the whole, for me, even with some rays of light, 2010 was shit.

From January 3rd when a classmate died to a few days ago when my 16 year old relative passed on too, I felt that the year just wouldn't let up. I also got quite resentful with all that I catalogued in my head as never ending drama, seven deaths, house wahala, Mum's operation, my tussle with pneumonia and fighting unemployment. When we got a cancer diagnosis for a loved one I thought that was the end of me.

I did try very hard but naaaa, it just wasn't gelling (especially over Christmas aarrgghhhh). The funny thing now though is that as we enter 2011, there is that little point of grudging determined optimism. If you don't have hope that things will be better then what kind of life do you hope to live?

So no matter what I have hope for 2011. No the rah rah cheerleader over hyped excitement I had at the beginning of last year, but a quiet focus that I have to get a few basic things right for me. Yes, I said me. Not anyone else. I keep helping people live their own lives I forget to sort mine out. Well that has to stop for now. (I still wish everyone peace and love shah but don't call me LOL).

I hope I'm making sense.

I give this year over to God, totally and completely.

Visiting angels and 30 things to do before I'm 30

2010-12-03T12:02:00.004Z

There is a saying related to the bible story of the angels that visited Abraham and Sarah. I can't remember the exact words but it is something like care for all your visitors as you don't know which one might be an angel.

Well, as a Naija person I think that the saying was meant to pacify us because we always have people in our house. All the time! I know it's not just me. My friend used to call my house Heathrow Airport because of all the people that passed through it. Truly nasty ones included an uncle who would leave his facial hair over every damn surface in the bathroom every morning, the female relative who was so tight she wouldn't buy sanitary towels and would instead use our kitchen/toilet roll and the cousin who downloaded porn on my computer and infected my system with nasty viruses.

So you can imagine my unrivaled joy when I got visitors that I have been waiting for over a year for. Having Freaksho and Sirius in my house was a pure joy. I would come back from work all grumpy and moody and jump into the bed where Sirius would be on the iPad looking for which store she is going to obliterate next and Freaksho would be on my computer playing one of the gizzilion games he bought.

I was worried that with five adults in the house that we would step on each others toes. Ha! My Dad complained that he didn't see them enough and my Mum fussed over what to cook Freaksho! Can you imagine? I had to pick my mouth off the floor.

I haven't told them this but the best bit was watching a young couple in action. Seeing the mini spats that would quickly blow over, watching Sirius running around in her nightie and boots (??!!) because her husband was hungry and seeing them chill at the dining table, heads together, but hands on some gadget (Lord have mercy, wires everywhere) :)

From my point of view, it was nice to have my Lagos life in London. Of course I have put on extra weight thanks to holiday chopping! It's like I've had Christmas early. I am now also an iChild and the proud owner of an iPod Touch, which means I have music AND my books at my finger tips. I don't know which one excites me more.

I think the visit was well timed though, it brought fun back into my life. I've been so serious and grey for so long. I don't know where the smiling easy going girl has gone. I think adult life is suppressing her. So I have decided to conquer all the goals and wacky things I have always wanted to do but seem to put off. I am going to have a 30 things to do before I'm 30 list. As you can see I only have twenty so your help will be much appreciated in completing the list. I will write about each thing when I do it and hopefully we will have a full tick list by September next year.

List so far .............

1) Go to each part of the British Isles (1/3 done)

2) Get my driving licence

3) Take part in and extreme sport or activity (Planned)

4) Chat up a man that I fancy

5) Get a colonic irrigation

6) Lose the last 10kg

7) Go to the Mediterranean

8) Go camping

9) Get myself on national/London radio or TV.

10) Eat at a Michelin Starred restaurant

11) Go to a live sporting event or concert of a legend. (Planned)

12) Ride a camel

13) Run 5k for charity

14) Crash a party (Done !!!)

15) Go to the races

16) Stay in bed for 20 hours in one day without being sick.

17) Wear traditional to work.

18. Go to the Caribbean

19) Go on pilgramage or retreat

20) Go to a performance of Agatha Christie's 'Mousetrap'.

21) Bake a giant Jaffa Cake (suggested by GNG)

22) Plant a tree (suggested by LusciousRon)

23) Get a bikini wax

24) Drink tequila

25) Sunbathe topless

If you grew up on RnB, listen to this and tell me they didn't hit the nail on the head!

2010-11-03T22:44:00.001Z

For added laughter, check out another favourite, it will change the way you listen to pop music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pidokakU4I

Spiritual attack is now by force

2010-11-01T10:50:00.002Z

I have seen my Dad go to bed perfectly fine and wake up the next morning with whip marks across his back. I have also seen his perfectly conditioned car try and steer itself and my Dad into a ditch. I have watched as frustrated men who unfortunately share his blood, walk up to him and ask him in baffled tones, "Why won't you die? What type of medicine do you use to protect yourself from us?"

Because of this experience, you will never hear me dismiss similar stories out of hand. What I do believe is that my faith in the One True Power eliminates any fear I would have in such things.

What I will not stand for is the way that some Nigerians will blame every single misfortune on a spiritual attack. Even something basically not going the way you planned, is the work of your 'enemies'!! Na by force? Must only good things happen to you? Where do you think you are? The Garden of Eden?

No promotion = Spiritual attack
No children = Spiritual attack
No money = Spiritual attack

or

Not a big enough office = Spiritual attack
No male children = Spiritual attack
Not 'enough' money = Spiritual attack

Give me a break! Life is not a supermarket, where you browse and pick as you choose. First of all make sure that you are walking in the way of God and His plans for you. The arrogance of it really upsets me!

OK, why am I ranting?

I just heard that my Dad's half sister has been calling family members to tell them to pray for me and her 40ish year old sister as the reason we are not married is because of spiritual attack! See me see trouble? Honestly, I nearly hit the roof when I heard this!
How dare she?
Who is she?
I don't even talk to her that often! Who made you my spokesperson? So not being married at 29 is because of a spiritual attack? Someone tell me why I shouldn't call her right now and tell her where she can put her spiritual attack, foolish woman.

The irony of it is that my Grandfather's Palace is now home to so many of his daughters who got married to nutters and have now left said husbands and run home, including her own sister. Her own marriage was no shining example of love either, so why is it eating you?

Also from a purely vain angle, why am I in the same category as a woman in her late 40s?
In fact let me stop here because I could go on and on. Let me hold myself, African children don't cuss elders but I will let her know in no uncertain terms that she is not allowed to mention my name again in any phone call.

OK I know I'm being stupid, but you don't understand how my Dad's family works. It's like having a homemade network. Their are businesses that don't have as many people working there as I have family members. Gossip is the petrol that runs that engine and I'm not about to be part of it!

Well I have to go now and slit my wrists because I'm not yet married. FOOLISH AND INGREDIENTS! MSSCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!

When Caramel was a little girl......

2010-10-22T10:57:00.005+01:00

........she dreamt of being a glamourous grown up.

Foolish girl.

Why is it that growing up was high on many children's wishlist? If you had a relatively happy childhood then you had it good! This grown up moves are hard work oh!

So I've been back at work for two weeks. The first week was a minor train wreck. We had two major exhibitions going on and my manager had left a few things to the last minute because she was swamped so I came back and jumped in right at the deep end, helping her tie things together. Result? I felt and looked like I had had a relapse.

So I was frogged marched to occupational health where they told me to leave work everyday by 3pm everyday, ha!! Talk about a double edged sword. On one hand it's good, you get to rest. On the other hand not good, because your desk is groaning under the work that is waiting for you.

My second week, had my Dad arriving from Nigeria which is great. He can keep my Mum company as she recovers from her knee operation. But at work they announced redundancies. 20 people have lost their jobs and they will be doing this all over again next year. Honestly I don't think I will be safe next year at all. So in my building you have an air of gloom tinged with fear and anger. It is a feeling that they are experiencing all over Britain at the moment as our government just announced 490 000 job cuts in the public sector! God have mercy!

Let's just say it has been rough being an adult this week. I'm not as good under pressure as I thought I was. Ha! We got the redundancy email on Friday and had to wait till Monday to find out if we still had our jobs. Chai! My weave got grey strands in it.

Anyway I'm trying to suck it up and think about what my options are and pray so that I'm not making decisions that are not Spirit inspired. Apart from that, the show most go on. I can't tweet and stalk you all online as much as I used to, but I will try. Reading blogs is such a joy, I don't want to stop that jo! PS I am seriously trying to clean out my love life. I think that is worth a post, yes?

Need to breathe a bit

2010-10-13T00:15:00.002+01:00

My Mum has an operation later today on her knee and I can't be at the hospital with her because I will be at work trying like crazy to come up with ideas and prepare paperwork that will enable our managers to fight for the existence of our jobs and the department.

Add to that that I have the worst period ever due to lack of any exercise this past month while I was sick and I'm meant to be asleep to be able to face tomorrow and instead here I am awake and the pills and the hot water bottle is just not cutting it at the moment.

How will I be able to do spreadsheets and come up with great strategies tomorrow when I will be using all my energy to sit up straight and not double over from pain and exhaustion and worry about my Mum?

OK suck it up. Please someone tell my womb to allow me sleep.

Under house arrest............

2010-09-28T18:48:00.002+01:00

.......Also known as things Caramel did to pass the time while under quarantine.

Promise God time and time again that I would never take my health for granted again.
Stupidly fall asleep.
Stand in front of my mirror in my knickers, critically breaking down my body bit by bit and gathering intel on all my best parts to use as weapons of mass destruction later.
Get seduced into reading all four Twilight books and hating myself for doing it yet not be able to drop the books because I NEED TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!
Decide that Bella is the most annoying lead female character ever.
Watch all the tv series I've always wanted to watch but never got around to...Drop Dead Diva (funny and sad at times), The Good Wife (gripping!!!), Cougar Town (too funny and just plain wrong in some places) and finally, Mad Men (just started).
Fall asleep some more.
Try to convince my relative from Nigeria that me falling ill is not an attack from my Father's enemies.....it's just me falling ill.
Decide to screen my calls.
Wrongly think my full strength has returned and pay for my folly after trying a house chore like cleaning the bathroom.
Gasp in amazement at 6ft 4in sexy Italian electrician as he wanders around my house assessing it for a job and silently cry at my decision to open the door in jogging bottoms and hair net looking like an extra from the Michael Jackson Thriller video.
Book 're-entry into the world' appointment at my beauticians!!!
Try and see if I can still put my leg around my head.
Spend my Amazon birthday voucher of Lord of the Rings soundtrack and special extended DVD collection (hurrah).
Memorise 'Into the West' by Annie Lennox and decide I want it played at my funeral.
Watch all three LOTR back to back and marvel once again at how much I love those movies.
Go online to research volunteering opportunities in visiting terminally ill patients or running chores for them.
Hate the look of food but drink numerous cups of tea.
Decide I want to go honey brown for my hair.
Fall asleep again.

A few very very very very bad days

2010-09-19T12:30:00.003+01:00

Today is a good day. I'm a little out of sorts but I believe it will be a good day. Why? Because I'm thinking of wearing a bra. On my own steam without harassment, I'm thinking of wearing of wearing a bra. Yup, definitely a good day.

My last of good days were Saturday 4 to Wednesday 8 September. On Saturday my friends and I had gone out for karaoke to celebrate my birthday. It was a perfect night out. We had our own room and a waiter to bring your dinner and drinks. We sang the night away murdering perfectly good classics and modern hits. On Sunday my cousin got tickets to watch the taping of a popular came show called Family Fortunes and as a stroke of good luck we got actual A/B-list British celebrities on the show and had a fantastic time. Tuesday rolled on and as we had a tube strike in London I stayed in the City with my cousins and had a lovely birthday which included birthday cake for breakfast in the office.

While I was staying with them I had been so hot every night and sweating when it was bed time. No one else felt it and we all joked that maybe at 29 I was getting early menopause. It wasn't till Wednesday night that I realised that maybe I was coming down with something.

Thur 9

I woke up hot and riddled with aches and pains. Every time I moved I coughed. Well I called in sick at work and called my friend who lived nearby to help me get some pain killers. The fever got worse and I struggled to go to the pharmacy for cough syrup and a thermometer. My GP had no free appointments so I made one for the next day.

Fri 10

Around 5am I woke up terrified. I couldn't breathe properly. Every breathe was a chore and as I freaked out I made it worse. When I stood up the room swam and I nearly fainted on the stairs. What alarmed me was the fact that my Mum was in America and I was home alone. I took my temperature again and it was 39.4, so I called 999. I won't lie by the time the ambulance came I was in full crying mode. When we got to A&E, they took my BP, took blood and took urine. Asked me a million questions about where I had been and then I had to wait for ages. The doctor then saw me and said I have a nasty chest infection and I had to take some antibiotics and rest. So my friend came to pick me and kept me in her house. Without Panadol I wouldn't have made it through the day. Everything hurt! All my joints and my head and I was always shivering in the grip of fever.

Sat 11

At this point my phone was always ringing. I had both parents calling and I had family who by sheer coincidence were not around calling every second to make sure I was alive. I didn't want to worry my Mum so I kept my conversations brief because if I spoke to her for long I would start crying again. My best friend spent a day and a night but in the end she had to go.

Sun 12 & Mon 13

By now the coughing was vicious, it would come and grip me in a wracking cough and you couldn't stop until you felt you were choking and tears were streaming down your face. The icing on the cake was of course my period started. Oh the joy. You think I would be given a free pass but no I had all the pain of cramps to deal with as well as everything else. Misery was my name. My Aunt came to take me but I just wanted to be in my house and limit my coughing, crying and period pain to one location. Did I mention throwing up? Have you ever thrown up chicken soup through your nose? I wouldn't recommend it. On Monday another friend came and did some shopping for me. God bless her.

Tue 14

From America my Mum had got her friend to check my hospital records. My infection marker was 84 (a normal adult should be under 5) and she told me to go back to the GP. I told my GP I wasn't getting better and he was baffled why I never had an x-ray the day I went to A&E. So he sent me back to the hospital.

Wed 15

My Mum flew in that morning and drove me to the hospital for my x-ray. I told her to go as she had work that night and went off for my x-ray. After the x-ray was done, I hadn't even put on all my clothes when the radiographer came running into my cubicle, "You need to get dressed and go to your GP now. You have pneumonia in your right lung and it's spreading." I'll never forget that look on her face. It was like she was thinking how on earth is this girl still walking around? As it was Wednesday my GP was closed to off I went to A&E again. They couldn't admit me as the hospital was full so they released me in the care of my Mum and some seriously lethal looking antibiotics. I'd rather be in my house anyway!

Thursday 16 to now

So here I am under house arrest, I'm not allowed to leave as my immune system is low and I can catch anything off anybody and that will put me back in hospital. Once I started the right medication, I could feel a difference. I'm as weak as a baby (it took 4 hrs to type this post!!!) but I no longer feel subhuman. The biggest problem is still my chest and the coughing and the medication has a few side effects but I don't care! I'm off work for a while and I'm trying to get better so I don't run nuts in the house. I have been in a uniform of hairnet and kaftan all this while but today I thought about my bra for the first time. So today is a good day.

Think before you make a wish.....

2010-09-03T10:50:00.004+01:00

How is everyone doing? I miss you all like I miss white bread and saturated fats. I haven't been writing on my beautiful blog. My apologies! I promise fresh gist will be coming soon but till then a little laughter for the weekend xx

PS My birthday is next week and I came across this site that tells you what song was number one the day you were born. Mine is Tainted Love (hmphhh), why couldn't I have The Bangles or Madonna or something? :) Check it out and tell me what was yours. xxxx http://www.everyhit.com/dates

A married couple in their early 60's were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.' The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen MaryII appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!..the husband became 92 yearsold.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember.....fairies are female.

I'm here to report my Mother

2010-08-11T16:25:00.002+01:00

Time: 6 something am
Place: Caramel's bedroom

Anyone who has a parent that is medical personnel knows what it is like to be woken up and given instructions for the day before said parent goes to work, while they are still half asleep and woe betide you if you forget the barrage of instructions that flow through your duvet/blanket/wrapper to your ears.

This morning my Mum came to pick a fight. First of all it was to say that I had left a couple of dishes in the sink. I replied that I had forgotten them due to being sleepy as I had stayed up past midnight to do her laundry.

Second conversation went like this:

M: Are you going to the gym today
C: No I spent two hours there last night, I go on alternate days.
M: Don't they advice an hour every day?
C: Yes but they say an hour light exercise everyday, I did more than that yesterday!
M: That's not what my magazine says!
C: Mum please leave me, I'm begging!

This is where the anger came! My Mum and her blasted bloody stupid women's magazines. One is Take a Break and the other one is Women's Own. She loves those magazines die. Everything there is gospel. Aaaaaaaaaaarggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

My Mum and I have one serious beef and that is my weight. Nothing more, nothing less. She used to nag that I am not doing anything about it. That who knows if it is my Father's enemies using me against them (I kid you not), that at this rate I will die single as men don't like fat women and that it was bad for my health.

So you would think that losing and keeping off weight for the first time in my adult life would be a cause for celebration right? Is she happy that I have dropped three dress sizes? No! The issue now is that I am not losing it fast enough! She actually bristles when people congratulate me on my weight loss (haba)!!!

Jesus give me strength! We had a massive row a while back when I told her to stop cutting out true life stories from her bloody Take a Break about how 'Steve from Manchester' and 'Tiffany from Essex' lost half their body weight and saved themselves from an early death and leaving it in my bedroom. That every body's weight loss journey is different and I don't want to hear anymore true life crap!

The funny thing is I hate exercising and I was so happy with myself yesterday that I had carried my body in period hell and crawled to the gym and did not only do a circuit class but Hatha yoga as well and I was feeling really good and she has just deflated me. She knows which buttons to push and it really gets me pissed.

All through today, I will forget then remember then be in a bad mood again. She should just wait, shebi we are going to Atlanta to see her own Mother? May God keep her and bless her. For as long as she is on this planet I can report my own Mother to a higher power!! I am happy that my Mum will be in America longer than me, I need breathing space jo!

I know she is doing it out of concern but the way she is going on you would think that I can't move out of my bed, like the people on all those documentaries that a crane has to lift them from their bed! It is better for me and my sanity if she said nothing at all!!! Today all I have felt is paranoid and ugly.

The fact that I love her more than life itself is the only reason I didn't go all Xena Warrior Princess in that house this morning!! Mschhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

For the record any stupid Take a Break magazine I see in that house this evening will find itself in the recycling bin sharp sharp! OK I will stop ranting!

PS For anyone who read my former post have you tried naked dancing yet?

How to look good naked and other random stuff

2010-08-05T15:42:00.001+01:00

I have so many things buzzing in my head and I keep deleting what I'm writing.

First of all stop hating parts of your body. Recognise it for what it is, a beautiful vessel for your soul. Walk around naked! It is good for you. Very liberating. Go on try it! Go onnnn. Tell me something you like about your body in the comment box. I will try not to see crooked teeth, jelly belly and a bum that needs its own passport but ermm great boobs, lovely skin and a fabulous waistline.

I'm off to Atlanta for a week next weekend but it wasn't planned so I'll be leaving as the rest of my family will be coming so I have to find some fun on my own. If anyone has some hot spots they think I should check out please let me know.

My cousin is trying to hook me up with her inlaw but I'm not interested and I'm not bothered. I am trying to be polite and he is a cool guy but I feel bad when he calls from Naija because I know those calls are expensive. In fact not to be overly dramatic but the whole man thing just tires me at the moment. I really don't give a rat's arse right now. He has just asked if I had a boyfriend but I dodged. If he asks again I will use it as an oportunity to tell him what's up. I believe in being honest. It's not nice when someone is stringing you along.

OK I'm going to stop writing for now because I am in a bad mood and I'm trying to shake it but it's not working. The Mary J Blige track below is here because I think it's a great track for naked dancing. Enjoy ;)

Lonliness is bad for your health!!

2010-07-28T14:18:00.003+01:00

I read this online and had to share, I'm sure it happens worldwide, not just in Britain......

A life of booze, fags and slothfulness may be enough to earn your doctor's disapproval, but there is one last hope: a repeat prescription of mates and good conversation.
A circle of close friends and strong family ties can boost a person's health more than exercise, losing weight or quitting cigarettes and alcohol, psychologists say.

Sociable people seem to reap extra rewards from their relationships by feeling less stressed, taking better care of themselves and having less risky lifestyles than those who are more isolated, they claim.
A review of studies into the impact of relationships on health found that people had a 50% better survival rate if they belonged to a wider social group, be it friends, neighbours, relatives or a mix of these.

The striking impact of social connections on wellbeing has led researchers to call on GPs and health officials to take loneliness as seriously as other health risks, such as alcoholism and smoking.
"We take relationships for granted as humans," said Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a psychologist at Brigham Young University in Utah. "That constant interaction is not only beneficial psychologically but directly to our physical health."

Holt-Lunstad's team reviewed 148 studies that tracked the social interactions and health of 308,849 people over an average of 7.5 years. From these they worked out how death rates varied depending on how sociable a person was.
Being lonely and isolated was as bad for a person's health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or being an alcoholic. It was as harmful as not exercising and twice as bad for the health as being obese. The study is reported in the journal Plos Medicine.

Holt-Lunstad said friends and family can improve health in numerous ways, from help in tough times to finding meaning in life. "When someone is connected to a group and feels responsibility to other people, that sense of purpose and meaning translates to taking better care of themselves and taking fewer risks."

Holt-Lunstad said there was no clear figure on how many relationships are enough to boost a person's health, but people fared better when they rarely felt lonely and were close to a group of friends, had good family contact and had someone they could rely on and confide in.
Writing in the journal, the authors point out that doctors, health educators and the media take the dangers of smoking, diet and exercise seriously, and urge them to add social relationships to the list.

A report by the Mental Health Foundation in May blamed technology and the pressures of modern life for widespread feelings of loneliness in all age groups across Britain. The survey of more than 2,200 adults found one in 10 people often felt lonely and one in three would like to move closer to their family.

Andrew McCulloch, of the Mental Health Foundation, said the latest study builds on work that links isolation to poor mental and physical health. "Trends such as increasing numbers of people living alone and the advent of new technologies, are changing the way in which we interact and are leading both the young and old to experience loneliness. It is important that individuals and policy-makers take notice of emerging evidence and of the potential health problems associated with loneliness."

guardian.co.uk © Taken from the Guardian Newspaper

Three is the magic number!

2010-07-20T14:28:00.006+01:00

Three years of ranting and sometimes talking sense. Loved it. Loving it. Love it.

It was headache over a man and adventures in Lagos that made me start but I'm sure glad I did.

I love my blog.

Do you like my photoshopped picture? It was sent by a friend to cheer me up when I was under the weather. I laughed eh! Madness! My Mum was rolling on the floor. The picture though does remind me of my own notorious three year old story that my Mum's family won't EVER let me forget......

So as the story goes, three year old me had gone to a family member's traditional wedding in my Mum's home town with the Parentals. So my Mum thought she was doing a good thing by handing me over to her younger brother to keep an eye on me.

For some yet to be explained reason, my Uncle now thought that it would be 'healthy' for me to have some of his Guinness as it would help my digestive system and boost my immune system as well. That is how they gave my Guinness oh!

Yup I got drunk.

So by the time the wedding was winding down, I climbed unto the Chairman's table, took the microphone and said (in no apparent order and repeatedly);

"You Baskards! Go to your own house and I will go to my own"

"Stop eating my Aunty's food"

"I said go your own way jo"

"You are all Baskards"

My Mum said she wanted the ground to open up and take her there and then! She died five hundred times. She said she ran sharply in her wrapper and koi koi shoes and swiped me off the high table and out of the compound. Then I told her, "Mummy my head is turning" and promptly fell asleep! My Uncle didn't come near my house for a while after that ;)

PS That was my one degenerate incident till I pooed in my pants in kindergarten.

PPS I want to thank all my blog readers and commentators. You are the buttercream icing on my caramel sponge cake!

A Blogsville Wedding Story (UPDATE)

2010-07-15T16:23:00.000+01:00

Just in case you all don't know what I'm talking about, two of our very own got married quite recently and Blogsville has been full of puns like:
Siriusly Freaky
Freakishly Sirius ( my favourite).

Freaksho married ~Sirius~ and it was beautiful.

Now every good story needs to start at the beginning but ermm quite frankly they might kill me. So I will skip a few details (but shah check on me in a week's time to make sure I'm still breathing). So Sirius came into my life when I was 14(ish) and I was later blessed to be able to have her as my landlady while I served in NYSC. That was when she met her future hubby (ohhhh hehehehe).

Now let's get this straight, the girl is one of the most beautiful people you could ever meet both inside and out, so of course there were some young gentlemen hanging around but my money has always been on Freaksho and see I backed the winner :) When the time was right and he proposed and she said yes, there was plenty of screaming and clapping (and that was just me) and so I settled down for some serious wedding planning.

That's when the emails and IM's started.

S: Caramel, I don't want a bridal train or anything like that.
C: Yup that's cool, nice and simple.

S: Caramel, I think we might be getting married in the middle of the week.
C: Huh?

S: Caramel I want a small wedding, 100 people max.
C: Are you crazy? In Lagos? Never!

But here is the topic that actually raised my BP and it wasn't even from the bride....

F: I'm not wearing a tie and I'm not wearing any flowers in my button hole. (Something something about it not being manly, I can't recall because at this point I was feeling faint)
C: Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? What do you mean no tie? You're the groom!!!!

Now, anyone that reads this blog regularly knows that in the past two years I have been in a wedding/bridesmaid explosion and I have suffered for it. You can get a bit fed up with the pomp and circumstance of it all but come on! I had to protest!

Yet these two were serious and this is why they suit! Sirius is so laid back she is nearly horizontal. She doesn't let things agitate her normally and she definitely avoids drama. Freaksho is such a geek, he is weird to the point of cool. These two do not do convention. In fact as I'm typing this I wonder why I was actually surprised.

So they planned and they stuck to their guns which is no easy feat when your parentals are on your case and EVERYONE has an opinion. I flew home to see two people I care about get hitched, as long as it wasn't on a rope bridge over a snake pit I was ready for the ride.

And it was beautiful.

Apart from the beginning where Freaksho looked stressed because we were only 9 minutes late (Dude, most brides average being an hour late), there wasn't a frowning face the whole day. Everyone knew someone, no one was lost in a crowd, and all eyes were on the couple who spent the whole day grinning.

I didn't miss the high table, I didn't miss the hall decorations, band, DJ, MC and over inflated ego boosting that happens at Naija weddings. Instead we had a room full of people overlooking a peaceful view of Lagos, with kick ass food, who were free to walk around and chat and kiss the bride and shake the groom's hand.

They actually pulled it off! In Lagos!

Freaksho did wear the red rose flower buttonhole though, thank God ;)

A note about meeting fellow Bloggers.

They never look like what you think they will.
Incoherent is a sparkling fizzing ball of energy with big brown Bambi eyes and eloquent hands.
Muse looks like what I think Igbo warriors of old would like back in the day. All brawn and such. I thought men who write such great poetry would be tortured souls that exist on air and coffee!
Rita does not look like her picture! I'm sorry Rita it is true. Take the picture down. You are getting younger not older (who did you bribe up there for such good fortune with your face??)
Finally I think I scared Laide (XSN) because I swooped on her like a crazed fan and forgot she hadn't actually met me before. Sorry Laide!

To Freaksho and ~Sirius~, I've said it before and I'll say it again, I know great things are going to come from your union. I feel it and I know it and I can't wait to see it.

Love always x

____________________________________________________

Update y'all!

I have been granted permission to clear up small confusion that came via my inbox ; carameldelightinc@yahoo.co.uk (holla!!).

Freaksho and ~Sirius~ didn't meet on Blogger. Oya lemme gist you small.
While she was waiting for her call up letter for NYSC, Sirius was working at a very sexy magazine and Freaksho was at an advertising firm (oh full of fine dangerous men LMAO). See eh when I leave for work to go to my asset management office and Sirius leaves to go to her magazine, what we are wearing is completely different. I would mostly be conservative and classy. Sirius would be classy and sizzling hot!!!!! She put the 'P' in pencil skirt!

So I don't know what she did to Freaksho when she walked into his office to collect artwork for his company's ad in her magazine but I can hazard a guess! LMAO!!!!!!! For real though the guy had to work hard. Sirius doesn't send.

Case in point. Their first 'date'. I think that Freaksho had asked for a double date movie thing so that there would be no pressure. So far so good right? Well my girl brought me and another friend and we arrived about 50 minutes late. We missed the original movie and got stuck with Rush Hour 8 or something and Freaksho hated the movie choice (he still won't forgive me for picking it). So instead of a cosy foursome, it was five people watching a 'bad' movie, then Sirius makes sure that she wasn't even near him and spent the whole movie texting on her phone! Chai!

Well he hung in there............ isn't life grand?

Tales by Moonlight (Long post alert, better get a snack)

2010-07-05T12:30:00.003+01:00

Thank God for journey mercies oh! I came back on Saturday and I had been on 6 different flights so I really have to thank God because that is 12 different times of taking off and landing which is when your plane is under the most stress and more likely to blow up (yes I thought about that every time!!)

OK let me tell you all the fab stuff about my trip. First was hugs and kisses. From family and friends. My brother and little cousins are growing so fast, my friends are so glamorous and handsome and my cousins and aunts/uncles are shiny and glowing. I loved seeing each and everyone of them. And for the first time in my adult life all I heard was "you are looking so good Caramel, keep it up". Jehovah! That was a really big deal for me!

Second fab stuff. My new house!!! It was the first time I got to see it 90% completed. All my life in my home town we had been in my Grandfather's palace. Where your business is every one's concern and you walk around in the same compound as hooligans who are trying to kill your Father and there is nothing you could do about it because it was their home too. But now ehen, Caramel has her own room with en suite so I can walk around in my knickers and jump on my bed and it was all good. The house is freaking huge though, cleaning it lost me 3 kg in one week!

Third fab stuff. My sweetheart's wedding which is the main reason I flew home in the first place. I was soooooooo happy seeing the couple together, it was ridiculous. Exclusive gist is coming! I will write a post about that later because it was quite revolutionary for a Nigerian wedding.

Last fab stuff. Ube! Yes oh, you heard me! African pear and corn! I ate ube like it was going out of fashion. My tongue was perpetually green. If you analyse my blood it will be just ube, corn and coconut :)

Not so fab stuff (NSFS)

NSFS one. I was haunted by ghosts of lovers past. I had one who I have previously called Party Boy, explain to me that why he vanished for four months while I was doing my NYSC was because he felt we were getting too serious and he didn't want to hurt me so he decided in his infinite wisdom, to vanish off the face of the earth, cause me untold worry and increase my BP so as to cool down our romance and keep us just at friends level. Have you ever heard such BS?! The ear bashing I gave him is too long for this post. He apologised and said he didn't want to be an ex boyfriend who I would think of as an asshole but I had to reply that that was what he ended up being anyway. Anyway old gist. I have no beef for the guy, and there is still mad chemistry between us BUT my life is too short. I did tell him to review how he treats women though cos his policies have serious K leg!!

Also Baked Beans sister told me that he really likes me, crazy about me, and always talks to her about me and goes into a bad mood when we used to argue etc etc. Pekele pekele! Tales by moonlight! Are we talking about the Ice Prince of Anambra State? The one guy who was still calling me a friend with his last breath. She said it was all smoke and mirrors. True as that maybe it still doesn't change anything. Gave me food for thought though. These men in my life and their stories. Saying one thing and meaning another. I wish I had a guy who would look me in the face and talk straight for once with no games or egos.

NSFS two. I didn't get time to be anyone other than Caramel the sister, daughter and niece. I had worked my butt off at home especially with looking after my 98 yr old Grandma who needs help with personal care and feeding etc (OMG where was BSNC for advice???) that I had been looking forward to letting my hair down in Lagos. Unfortunately through bizarre bad luck I missed my flight and didn't make it back to Lagos till Monday. Missed my sweetheart's bridal shower over the weekend! I was also meant to meet some friends but that never happened either and I had been looking forward to that so much. There must be a reason I don't know yet. Maybe if I had gone out on Saturday I would have ended up being some Sultan's 18th wife in Saudi Arabia.......who knows? LMAO!!!

So questions to help me answer.....

1. Why are women spending N150 000 on fake hair?
2. Why is there a new roundabout on the Lekki express way?
3. Why did FIFA give Nigeria a football ban?
4. How does my Aunty get her puff puff so light and airy?
5. Why does my cooking taste better in Nigeria?
6. What good luck was on my side to make me get my foodstuff past customs in Heathrow? LMAO!!!!

This time next week.......

2010-06-11T14:32:00.002+01:00

I will be on my way to Naija. Guess what my airport reading of choice is.... Yup! It came in the post this morning. I told Myne that I most have it before I travel. I'm trying to respect myself and not start it yet but it is so hard!

I'm waiting for the day when I travel home without the normal mixture of joy and worry. Joy because you will see loved ones, worry about packing.

So ridiculous. The pressure I put myself under, do I have all my make up and toiletries? Enough shoes? 'Gifts' to give people? In fact that one is null and void. I am so broke it isn't even up for discussion. That won't stop people looking at your hand waiting for the present to magically appear LMAO!

Lord, they day I will fly home without stress. The day I will fly home without half my baggage allowance being hijacked by my Mother..... :)

The good thing about Blogger is that you can say stuff you can't say normally so here goes....THE NEXT PERSON THAT SAYS DON'T COME BACK WITHOUT A HUSBAND IS GOING TO GET SLAPPED!

Aaaaaaaah better.

I tell you, I can't wait for the sunshine! Real African sunshine that will roast you like boli! We have been deprived here oh, to the point that one of my students called me a Latino. Chai!

I also can't wait to see my family and friends and give them a big hug! Phone calls only go so far jo! I must also go to the beach and the movies so that people can clap when the movie ends hahahaha!

PS My blog is going to be three next month, any ideas on how I can mark the occassion?

10 Things I Yori Yori

2010-06-04T11:56:00.000+01:00

1. I love books! Love them die! If I don not have a book in my handbag, I get very very cranky. Agatha Christie is my favourite of all time, but I love so many genres. If I start discussing it now, the post won't finish. From when I was a little girl, books were my daily companion for an only child. From your room you could be transported to any continent, any era, any adventure. Bliss!

2. Jaffa Cakes (for those that don't know) are miniature sponge bases with orange and dark chocolate on top. It is a dieting person's dream because it is the most nonlethal of treats and covers your chocolate craving as well. Warning: even though it is 1g of fat per cake that doesn't mean you should finish the packet!

3. I'm a Catholic and I am so very lucky to have my office on the doorstep of our main cathedral, Westminster Cathedral. It is so beautiful and an oasis of peace in the middle of crazy London. When things get too much I like to pop in for mass or to just sit and gather myself.

4. Handbags, shoes, earrings, rings, hair clips, necklaces! Name it and be sure that Caramel loves it. Let me tell you, the clothes are just the beginning. I am not dressed until I have added something else, somewhere! Some times I just like adding a flower to my hair just to perk me up! I do wander a bit too much into the Accessorize store near my office but I have started respecting myself as money no dey!

5. Zumba! The best thing that has happened to my weight loss program. For one hour straight, you dance like a mad person and watch the calories fall off. You may think that you are dancing any old way but each swivel, twist and shake is targeting a specific part of your body. If you hate exercise but love dancing and music, then give it a go. I promise you WILL NOT be disappointed.

6. Fake hair is not just a convenience for me, it is also a form of self expression and art. I have natural hair and it needs safeguarding so trust me, no one will be seeing it any time soon.

7. Period and costume dramas have some kind of hold over me. I enjoy reading classic literature to be sure, but when someone takes their time and adapts it to the screen, then I'm hooked. I get very annoyed when producers don't stick to the spirit of the story and just do whatever they want with a couple of people in bonnets and cravats! But the BBC are legends! They use only the very best and it shows in their work. For example, in Pride & Prejudice, the actresses were not allowed to use mascara as it had not been invented then!

8. I never liked online shopping but now as I don't have much time outside work, it has become my saviour. Click, click, compare prices and then pay. End of story.

9. It isn't just the drinking of tea, there is also something very soothing about going through the rituals of making tea as well. Many a problem has been hashed out over a cup of some kind of tea in my adult years. My friend got me hooked in university and now I can't get enough of the stuff. Growing up, I would make tea for my parents and take it up stairs and we would talk about what we had planned for the weekend or holidays. Definitely a tea drinking family :)

10. At university I remember going to a yoga class, just see what all the fuss was about. An hour later I was hurting and panting and realising this was some serious stuff mehn!!!! Yoga has helped my tummy go down, has built my upper body strength, and has kept me supple and limber. I'm very appreciative of that as working in an office five days a week can wreck your posture. I do Hatha Yoga and that has parts that will make your heart race so it is like cardio. One of the moves is reverse triangle which think is what those peeps are doing up there. See how you will start sweating eh! Chai! Meanwhile there will be a 60 year old woman next to you not batting an eyelid and looking like she is 35!

Thanks Lucidlilith for tagging me :) Anyone that wants to do, have a go, it's fun! Makes you remember good stuff.

This isn't what I'm meant to be talking about.

2010-05-20T17:23:00.002+01:00

I have another post, a meme Lucidlilith tagged me on ages ago but the more I wrote that one, the more I just had to write about the dream I had last night.

I have dreams all the time, mostly random rubbish that I don't remember. I have the odd freaky premonition dreams about loved ones and they are always negative and turn out to be true. Last night's one was different. I dreamt about a man. I don't remember his face but I believe it's someone I have never met before because surely I would have recognised him.

So from what I can remember I'm at a work function and we are all dressed up but I'm still working (happens a lot). The difference is I'm in an evening gown but I still have my notepad and big camera. So mystery man is shadowing me like you do when you are on work experience or something. He knows my manager (called her by name) but I know he is not a colleague.

The whole evening looks like a fashion show gala put together by our students but instead of normal teenagers from my college the 'students' are my old girls from my FGGC school! Random!! Anyways the whole evening, mystery man is helping me work but we snipe at each other all the time and he is winding me up and getting better interviews and quotes than I am, so I should be annoyed but I'm enjoying his company.

What I do recall clearly is that even when we stop working, he still sits with me and won't let anyone draw him away and he kissed me twice . Short, quick and by surprise. I can't remember how the dream ends, but why I'm even writing this down is the feeling I had when I woke up.

Such contentment and happiness.

Now it could have been my new double bed with new springy mattress, or the ibruprofen I took because I hurt myself in the gym last night, but I doubt it. The feeling of pure undiluted happiness I had in the first two minutes of waking up, I am sad to say I have not felt in 'real' life for a very long time. The dream itself wasn't all that if we are relying purely on content (two short kisses? pah! I've had better fantasy dreams that could make your computer screen crack) so was it this human being thatI have never met before?

If we are going all spiritual and that is 'The One', well he was defintely not my type. Looked nothing like anyone I have gone gaga for in the past. I wish I could remember his face! The more I think about it the more a veil drops over the whole thing. Puzzling, huh?

Thanksgiving Video

2010-05-10T11:45:00.002+01:00

Praise be to the Lord!!!!!

After six months and ten days of homelessness, we finally moved in to our new house over the weekend. My body hurts but my heart is happy. Obviously our new home looks like a war zone but we have a clear path to the bathroom, kitchen and our beds and for now that is all that matters :)

May God bless you guys for your empathy and concern. For your viewing pleasure I present to you my little cousin in his thanksgiving video for our new house. PS sorry about the wobbly video I was dancing as well while filming.

Superted and Spotty

2010-04-30T17:32:00.002+01:00

Superted is a children's tv superhero of my youth. He was an abandoned toy bear who was given magic powers through cosmic dust or something.... can't remember. His sidekick was an alien called Spotty. A yellow man covered with spots.

I CURRENTLY LOOK LIKE SPOTTY.

For real. No honestly. The worst of the allergic reaction has passed and the antibiotics obviously worked but now my beautiful skin is hidden under a sprinkling of odd shaped circles. I hope it will fade but the question is when. I also believe that this is the mother of all mood killers. This is God trying to save my morality because there is no way I'm having any fun sessions with my Cuddle Buddy (copyright pending Caramel Delight 2010) with my skin looking like this, abeg!!!

Hope you all have a wonderful Bank Holiday weekend (for those that it reached shah).

PS Shame shame shame on Transport for London for working on no less that 9 tube lines this weekend!! How are we going to get around?

PPS Watch this space for some very good news coming soon [shhhhhhhhh].

PPPS Oh I lost a stone/6.5kg/14lbs. Two more stone to go! Go team. I shall not sprint like the hare, I shall walk slowly like the tortoise :)

Four times a day on an empty stomach

2010-04-20T09:41:00.002+01:00

How is that possible? At some point in the day my stomach can't be empty four times, surely! Anyway that is how the Doc told me to take the antibiotics she prescribed for the awful allergic reaction I got to who knows what during my friend's wedding weekend.

NOT SEXY !!!!!!!

She also gave me a cream to rub over all the spots but (as flexible as I am) I can't reach the ones on my back! So to all of you who just quarrelled with your significant other and nearly bashed them with the frying pan/remote control, at least you have someone to rub ointment on your back if you so needed.

OK moment of feeling sorry for myself is now over ;) Please pray for all the people who are directly or indirectly affected by this Icelandic volcanic ash cloud. See frustration everywhere, such a shame.

PS Now I thought living with ex-hottie wouldn't be an issue but it does have weird moments. He is hardly in during the week, but last weekend, I think it was Saturday really affected me jo. Me self, I have issues LOL!! I am grateful that I have somewhere to crash (so comfortably too, God will bless them Amen!) but I think talking to him about his wedding freaked me a little.

Ohhhhh I want to scratch so badly! Don't scratch!!!

Why can't I do more 'white people' stuff like this?

2010-04-14T13:07:00.011+01:00

Praise the Lord!!! Alleluia!!!

My friend's (read sister) wedding went off without a hitch. I have had this wedding on the brain for the past four months (plus homelessness), so it is nice to have one thing taken off my subconscious. All the emails, phonecalls, shopping trips, consultations and praying all came to fruition. We spent the weekend in Suffolk which is on the British coastline at a holiday home called the Old Neptune which was a converted inn. It had 12 bedrooms and two sitting rooms, dining rooms and kitchens. Check out the pics.....

One of my favourite rooms

The courtyard

My room.....

We sexied up the dining room with material and fake ivy from a hobbycraft store. Tres Martha Stewart.

The main sitting room with a giant working fireplace, I resisted the urge to roast a goat.

The biggest room, it had a sitting room and jacuzzi and sauna attached. Obviously for the newlyweds!

Now with regards to the title of the post. As an African couple, you can imagine that their decision to take only 24 people on a weekend getaway as their wedding did not go down well with a lot of people. Even though they are having a giant reception in their house when they get back from their honeymoon, people are still pissed off. Now aunties and uncles I get. What baffles me is some of the brides friends as well. She called everyone explained that they have bought a house as well and this is their dream wedding but still stories are reaching my ears of serious bitching.

It is because we are African!

I know so many white people who travel out all the time for their wedding and enjoy themselves without any drama. The crux of the whole thing was that it was such a good idea, everyone pitched in and had a good time especially not being in London. I want this white people life jo! By hook or by crook I'm going to start travelling out and not just to Naija!!

PS Of course, of course my period came on Friday! Na wa! My cycle is some kind of evil ninja! My lovely bridesmaid dress was now tight! Mschhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww x 10.

PPS yes this now makes it my 7th bridesmaid gig. I am definitely going to write about that soon.

NEWSFLASH !!!!

I will be enjoying my second time of being a co-host on Verastically Speakin' this Saturday with Juicee Gal and Ray. If you can please tune in through the power of the Internet and give us a shout out. Our topic is "These are a few of my favourite hairs" (I'm giggling already). We will be talking about the female form and hair. The hair on your head both real and fake, the hair on your body and all the things we do to ourselves all in the name of keeping them at bay. Men should definitely tune in because half of this self torture is your fault ;)

I'm a Nester...........

2010-04-01T00:21:00.002+01:00

I like living in one place and having things all nice and homely. I could tell you where my passport was in my desk drawer and that my sports bra hung on the back of my wardrobe door, I could even switch off my bed side light without looking at it. So still being homeless after 5 months is something of a personal nightmare.

After three unlucky strikes we are now on house 4 and if you see treachery eh! Chai! Don't trust estate agents (I'm sorry if that is you or your loved one's profession, but damn!). Our purchase of house 4 goes slowly and awkwardly along with no end in sight till maybe the end of April due to nit picking and stalling tactics. We have to leave my friend's house over the Easter weekend and that is also bringing up unforeseen problems. It's like you solve one problem and another one pops up.

Well as I'm typing this I'm eating toast and watching Scrubs and thinking about a cup of tea (I don't care if it is 1am.) Let's boil the kettle. As Sirius would say, "I can't shout." If the Children of Israel could wonder around for 40 years, I'm sure I can handle six months.

PS I'm crashing at ex-hottie's flat and I'm not even thinking about how weird that might be..... a lot sure can change in two years!

Caramel Delight's baby pics

2010-03-12T17:03:00.006Z

I'm putting baby pictures of I and my brother in my Mum's Mother's Day card and I thought I'll put these up again .

I thought we could do with a little smile after my mini meltdown yesterday. Thank you for all your understanding and e-hugs xxx

If you can find the post where these pics first made their debut you win a prize (Sirius you can't enter!!)

PS Happy Mother's Day this Sunday.

I swear I had better hair as a baby hahahaha!

I blame my period..........

2010-03-11T12:52:00.002Z

I can't stand when people say that but here I am shamessly saying the same thing. I must be hormonal, that must be the reason why I'm sitting in broad daylight in an open office, with my chest hurting while I fight back tears and tell my colleagues that dust from the stationary cupboard got in my eyes and that is why it's red.

What hurts so much is the ease in which he walked away. I thought I was a big girl and could handle the hot water that was sure to burn me but obviously I'm not hardened enough. All this is in the past but talking to him online today just made my head hurt and the tears come because I don't think he even gets it.

Somewhere in London there is a foolish 28 year old Igbo woman crying at her desk like a fool. I'm trying to stop but it's not working. I don't even know what my problem is, this wasn't even what I'm meant to be writing about. Maybe these tears are long over due, I don't know.

This is actually my fault. I need to make sure I don't even start falling for people, because once I start it is very hard to turn it off. I'm not a damn tap. When will I learn? How did I think it would end? What kind of delayed reaction am I suffering now?

My hips don't lie

2010-02-23T12:26:00.005Z

(All a bit random)

Yummmmmmmmmmmm just had the nicest soup ever! Sweet Potato and Chilli. Yummmmm!

So I am losing weight slowly as per the plan, all is on course. I went to the designer who is making my bridesmaid outfit for my friend's wedding in April (I know, another one, I'm so going to write about my professional bridesmaid runs) and she had my measurements from November. So bust, under bust, waist, CaramelD has lost two inches minimum. The lady was measuring me and comparing the measurements and it was like music to my ears. Then we get to my hips......just 1/2 inch! Haba! Na wa oh for my God given African bumper. It isn't budging! It is a weapon of mass destruction! 8lbs lost and still the hips/bum don't budge!!!

I was going to post a picture of my hips then I realise that over the past year I keep posting pictures of my bum for one reason or the other so I thought I better cool it ;)

I am proud of my online name ie Caramel Delight because it was given to me by a friend. Then today I Googled the name, ah haba! Every one and their dog has the name for one thing or the other! Mscheeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww! Imagine!!! My blog does come up in the top selection but dang!

Going through my blog (I was looking for a particular post) and I realised just how much I have written through the past two and a half years. All the adventures in Lagos during youth service, men drama, family issues and just plain randoms. I loved looking at just the titles. Makes me want to read my blog from the beginning! If blogger.com should ever crash, I would be in big trouble, too many memories here to lose.

The good mood of the previous post lasted well into the week but came crashing down on Thursday when my friend (who owns the flat I have been crashing in) flew in London and made it clear that my Mum and I had outstayed our welcome. Oh gosh, I felt so so so bad. So uncomfortable. Mortified even. I have told my Mum by fire by force, whatever bad luck is following our house search ( I owe Nice Anon a detailed explanation) we have to be out by next month.

[BREAKING NEWS]

I am going to be a co-host on Verastically Speakin' on the 6th of March! Whoooooooooooooooop! I'm so exicted! Also quite nervous as I'm sure that I sound like a baby over the radio (I used to do hospital radio when I was in university). The topic is Big Size = Big Dating Problem (cough cough)! I can't wait!

PS I forgot to say, there is an American baby book which is the best seller in its genre (I have to double check the name). So it has over 100 000 international baby names and some are Nigerian. Under 'c', they had my name whoop! My Igbo name is not all that popular, so to have my name and not a 'Chioma', 'Chinwe', 'Nkechi' or 'Adaeze' in sight was great! hahahahahahahahahha!

OK lunch break over, back to work xx

It's a Caramelicious state of mind

2010-02-15T10:48:00.003Z

I FEEL GREAT

I know this might not last long but I shall ride out the good vibrations until something (probably from work) comes and messes it up! I always bitching here about one thing or the other so how lovely just just write that I feel fabulous! It doesn't even feel like a Monday! It feels like a Wednesday afternoon (when hope starts creeping in that you just might survive till the weekend)!

It might be that this weekend I got a chance to sleep. Like really just rest and sit still. I was meant to babysit for my cousin so she could go out with her husband but she fell ill so I was no longer needed. I also got a visit from my Cuddle Buddy (copyright pending) that was oh so lovely, in fact purrrrrrfect ;) When he left I watched back to back Agatha Christie's Poirot while my body recovered. I love David Suchet (below pic). He is the ultimate Poirot. No one can touch that role ever again.....I forbid it!

Then Sunday was cooking belated birthday lunch for the Maternal Unit. I had to banish her from the kitchen. Na wa oh! You are cooking for someone and they are hovering around the kitchen door asking "do you need a hand?" LOL!

Anyway did I mention I feel great? hahahahaha. Also I got an interview into the Evening Standard! This is big for me! Huge! To have a major London daily run an interview with one of our students was amazing!!! Hopefully he will remember how quick I was and oh so helpful and call us again anytime he needs something about colleges or further education.

Problems haven't vanished into thin air, just that right now, right here I feel fabulous and I hope you all do too.

Oh before I forget, I hope all you Valentines people had a lovely weekend?

Bit by bit

2010-02-10T11:14:00.003Z

9.37am
Trying to remember nice things so that I can cheer up. I went to see Wicked with my cousins. That was so beautiful. What a smart story, taking an old tale like the Wizard of Oz and turning it on its head. It is freezing here. I'm so over winter, it should finish so I can feel my finger tips when I walk and sleep naked again.

11.15am
So already in a pissy mood, then my Mum called, the cupboard in my friend's flat fell on her!!! We have always said there were too many boxes full of all sorts stacked in the kitchen but when it is not your place you don't go around re-arranging stuff. That's how the cupboard came off the wall and boxes fell on her. She actually stayed and used her hand to wedge the doors so the glasses wouldn't break. Poor woman, she said she is OK. It is her birthday on Friday,what a prelude.

1.39pm
So went to look for a birthday present for my Mum as I'm mad busy tomorrow. Whooooo! Who told me to enter a card shop a few days before Valentine's Day? It was heaving with harassed looking individuals (of both sexes), I had to inch along slowly to get to the much reduced birthday section. The icing on the cake was the news camera crew. It must be a slow news week to be filming a segment on Valentines Day shopping habits!

3.34pm
So so so so so restless! I have been like this for a few days now and let me say it is as irritating as hell. I don't know what my problem is. Even the fast pace of work is not helping....and no, it's not PMS! I can't be bothered !!! Not a good attitude to have when trying to plan your friend's hen night. Weddings, I'm your woman, but hen nights, I'm stumped! Also you have to make sure the places and activities are affordable. Why can't people just do a one night thing and go home? These days it's a weekend activity! Any ideas?

4.33pm
OK shooting off Blogger now. I have to leave in half an hour to make my driving lesson, I have to sort out stuff for our Open Day tomorrow and I've lost a journalist. Well I didn't lose him per say but he is no longer picking up the phone and I want him to use our student for his newspaper article.

Word up (NAME AND SHAME UPDATE)

2010-01-27T14:59:00.000Z

There is no Internet in the flat and I'm not at work so I'm feeling out of the Internet loop! Just wanted to say hi to everyone!!!

PS Jury service is less about the law and more about the waiting. I've been waiting but it's all good. Tomorrow should be the jackpot!! I will be all grown up and justicey and a serious mature individual.

PPS In total God has seen fit to call to him 5 members of my extended family this month alone. It's a big shock but I pray that their souls fly up on angel's wings.

PPPS God bless 24! They gave Freddie Prince Jr a job ;) I'm sooo exicted that Season 8 has started. I love Jack Bauer whooooooooooooooooooooooppp!

I found out recently that a lady considers me some kind of threat to her relationship. The truth is the complete opposite and while I feel bad that she might be worrying, I'm also very thrilled! I am considered dangerous! How fabulous!! I always feel a bit wallpaperish (does that make sense?) and not out there in the sexy woman seduction so for me to be minding my own business and be told that I am making people uncomfortable ...............IS A GREAT COMPLIMENT!!!

Have a great week xxx
________________________________________________________

A few posts back, I spoke about this guy and how he was working my last nerve. I tried to be patient but after a conversation where he wanted to know how many men I had slept with, I told him his conversations annoy me and I stopped picking his calls. This was before Christmas. So why is this moo moo man DAPO sending me a text message with a picture of his penis attached! Chineke!!! I have suffered! The title of the message was actually "All this could be yours if you are lucky". In which dimension??? My phone feels violated. What, did he think that I would look at the picture and immediately give him a call? Stupid fool!

Caramel gist

2010-01-14T10:58:00.003Z

Oh so slightly stressed.

Like I said in my last post I wanted more responsibilities at work and now I have it. To cope with my workload I have started coming in early to work but now I'm so sleepy I want to cry.

This morning I get a text that my phone bill is £116!!!! My phone bill never ever passes £35 and that includes VAT!!! Lord have mercy on my soul. Did an alien take my phone?

My friend and her husband breezed through her flat over the holidays and as much as I love her I can see that we now have to move out as soon as possible because she frequently flies into London and we don't mesh well living in her flat. Trying to view houses with my office hours and the Chronicles of Narnia snow we have been getting is proving rather difficult.

Deep calming breaths.

I knew I was getting stressed when yesterday evening I nearly whacked a shop keeper with my bag of fresh okra when he said that not only did he not have spinach but that they had also run out of boiling chicken! Grrrrrr. It was actually quite funny. I need to cook for my Mother oh she is coming back next week, I need spinach people!!! Silly Wembley Park, give me Harrow any day of the week!

We have awards submission deadline next Friday and that I will be working late hours again!!! Plus I have been called for jury duty the week beginning 25th so more work will pile up!!!

I want chocolate (but will definitely not have any) or maybe some vodka !

On the up side healthy eating going well. I have also realised I get very steamed up when I'm not eating stupidly, maybe food was some form of sexual suppressant for me and I'm secretly some wild animal. Who knows?

January is very weird of late. I have lost one school girl, an Uncle and my Mum's aunt. All before the month is half way done. Na wa oh! May their souls rest in peace, Amen.

Also for those of you who were here when I was freaking out because of my Dad and his brothers and all that wahala in the palace, I can happily announce that my family has moved into the new house and out of that poisoned atmosphere of the palace compound. The house isn't completed but my Mum and Dad and brother are working so hard and sorting stuff out. The furniture is in and they sleep there so it's all gravy. I thank God from the bottom of my heart for that.

PS My cousin wife told my Mum that I'm not married because I am picky and waiting for some kind of magic to happen! Chai! I have suffered but I will rant about that later. I feel better now so back to work.

Happy 2010 / No more crap

2010-01-03T16:17:00.003Z

A friend thinks I'm crazy because I have an unrelenting sense of slightly exaggerated hysteria concerning the new year.

I know it is my year.

I know it because I want it to be.

Late last year I did a little soul searching and realised that I didn't like the way I was living my life. It wasn't anything dire, it's just that I was a bit too passive. I was letting things roll and just coasting. I have goals and I have desires but I step back because maybe I feel I shouldn't want so much.

Well that ship has sailed.

I have decided that I can have as many goals as possible and in His infinite mercy, if God answers my prayers and gives me strength, wisdom, grace and understanding I will achieve them.

For someone who doesn't 'do' resolutions I now have one big resolution in my head..to change the way I think. That includes not being so passive, not being such a people pleaser and (this phrase I learnt from GNG) to stop taking Panadol for other people's headache.

So on December 31 2010 I will come back to this post and see how many goals on my power list I have achieved.

Happy New Year everyone.

POWER LIST

1. Driving License

2. Stable and healthy weight loss

3. Bigger projects at work

4. To find a single, emotionally available man, who shares the same cultural values, beliefs and value systems as I do.

The curse of the matching lingerie

2009-12-29T13:28:00.002Z

I'm a cotton knickers high leg/thongs kind of girl. So everytime I wear a sexy lingerie combo something also goes off plan!

Always!!!!!!
ALWAYSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

So here I am, in a lace set that was more sexy than practical, with my left foot wrapped in a bandage and a guy who I am very sure thinks I was lying as his voice was so cold on the phone.

This year needs to finish!

I'm getting a few gifts I didn't bargain for

2009-12-23T13:17:00.004Z

I categorically told my friend about three weeks ago, that I was quite tired of trying to figure men out so that I was taking a break from the whole thing and I wanted to be by myself and figure out what I want. Fast forward to this week and that is obviously not happening.

I don't want to go on and on about this, we have to get ready for Jesus' birthday but there is this one guy who is really winding me up. As in I am ready to politely tell him to just forget the whole thing. He is soooo 'in your face', very full on. I think he thinks that he is being charming but it's not working. The following phrases don't help:

What did you find attractive about me? (The day after I started speaking to him!!)
You should be happy that your husband called you this morning (day two)
I have come to break the curse of your singleness (WTF???)
I wonder why I never thought of fat girls, you girls are really doing it for me of late (ewo)
When was the last time you had sex? (I told him off for that)

With the last one why I blew my top was that I had spoken to him three times and this question came out. Haba!! Am I out of the loop? Is this bulldozer form of courtship all the rage right now? What happened to just talking and getting a 'feel' of the other person through normal discussions? For example a former object of my desire really caught my interest when I learnt he had a massive music collection that included Frank Sinatra and Billie Holiday. I remember thinking, "now this is someone I need to know properly"!!

Anyway I won't harp on, but if you hear I decked someone with my handbag and I'm in custody please gather bail money for me shah.

As you all burn your fingers on ovens, drive at random hours to the airport to pick up relatives, run out of sellotape on the last present, realise you have 6 weddings to attend on the 26th, forget the words to the carols at Midnight Mass and sleep on the fold out bed because your Aunty has taken your bedroom...................

Have a Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year!!!

Do men have ugly days?

2009-12-17T16:35:00.004Z

I would really like to know.

Do you have days when you feel like you have been beaten with a wet fish?

I know men don't have PMS, don't get bloated, don't struggle to get dressed for work when they realise that all their trousers won't zip, don't get ridicuoulsy horny for no reason (well errmmm actually), don't turn down Chrsitmas party invitations because they look pregnant in ALL their sexy party wear, don't get highly irratated with even the smallest things, don't dream about a hot water bottle and their bed by about 4pm, don't crave sweet things randomly and don't have backache for a week out of every month.

But do men have ugly days like I do?

I itch...........

2009-12-14T11:26:00.002Z

EVERYWHERE.

As I type this I am also using style to shuffle on my office chair to get at the itchy bits on the back of my legs. Also my fingertips. And my right ankle. Ohhh and ear lobe.

I am the unfortunate victim to an allergic reaction to the malaria medication I was given at home. In fact I think the medicine dealt with me more than the malaria ever did. I have been back a week and I have spent it lying down, popping anti-histamines and rubbing all sorts of lotions on my body. I feel so bad, my doctor cheerfully told me that that is what poisoning feels like!!

I'm back and I thank God that I went and came safely and I have plenty of society wedding gist (break out the copies of Ovation or Ovulation as my friend called it) for you guys but first off the bat let us get the bad news out of the way.....

I am using God's name to beg anyone who reads this to please don't drink and drive. Even worse don't enter the car of someone who is over the limit. Let them kill themselves but stay where you are. It's not worth it.

YOUR LIFE IS NOT WORTH IT.

We lost two friends on the night of the wedding. All four of the men in the car had been drinking and the driver had been begged on three seperate occasions not to drive but he still insisted. The driver and the other guy in front had their seatbelts on but the men in the back didn't, they were the ones who didn't make it. Over night a house of celebration went into mourning and now my friend's wedding anniversary will also be the day she lost two friends.

So please think this Christmas season. Take a taxi or stay put. Get a designated driver or just don't drink if you really want to drive your car.

For this and other reasons I am feeling very un-Christmas like.

My manager has just caught me scratching! I'm on Piriton but it's not working. Any other ideas?

Off to read blog posts during my lunch break.

Coma man and bored girl

2009-11-23T12:05:00.003Z

Please read this news story. It's freaking me out a little. The man was awake for 23 years, he could hear everything and everyone but they (medical) thought he was in a coma and asleep. Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggghhhh. Nightmare. Imagine if they had decided to switch off life support!!!! I have goosebumps just thinking about it.

OK so haven't packed. Not one thing, not even one hair band. Nada. Spent the whole weekend looking for a white outfit! How stupid. I have a life!!

I got drenced over the weekend. The weather was, and still is atrocious. Cold biting rain and sharp winter winds equals very cold and soggy looking Britons. Some unfortuante people have been flooded out of their house. Still raining now actually. Lovely.

I'm in the office but I cleared my workload last week (Yes I can be efficient when I get off my butt) so I think I will clean my desk so that it is all nice and tidy when I get back.

Yes I'm bored.

Right now while typing this, my Dad has just sent a text asking for a hand held vacuum cleaner to clean the cobwebs that have gathered in the netting that was bought and stored ages ago for the new house. Hmm, where in my 23kg allowance will I fit in a hand held cleaner? Somebody help me and see. Don't be fooled by the fact that airlines allow you two pieces, my Maternal Unit has already commandered one piece. Can't they just use aziza (broom)? When did we start forming technological posh like this? Actually, that's not true my Dad is very English like that (when I was growing up I used to make his tea for him in a tea pot with free tea leaves and a strainer).

Aaaahhh the stories I could tell.

This hand held cleaner might not happen.

OK I am going to tidy my desk and leave notes for my Manager while listening to Vera's latest radio show.

I will try and blog while in Naija. Have a blessed couple of weeks :)

PS I am already suffering from withdrawal.

I can't do short!

2009-11-19T14:17:00.004Z

I really don't like short dresses. A little above the knee is as far as I can go before I start fidgeting. My birthday dress (above) was so short for me I spent half the night twitching before the complimentary champagne kicked in.

So the nuptials I'm going for has an all white party attached to the celebrations and I was told last weekend. I doubt where I am going to find a white outfit in London in November.

Everything I have seen is too short (hence this polite rant). Even not too short stuff get lifted up at the back because of my bum so what to do? Please calling all London fashionistas, if you have any ideas please let me know before I go and get out my all white sports kit from NYSC camp!

TOO MUCH INFO ALERT !!!!

After nearly 4 months and no help from the docs, my period came back. Thank God. I hate the damn thing but it is too important to go MIA. I give credit to Sirius and her fruit and vegetable diet. She did it exclusively but I have no such discipline. I replaced half of everything I ate with fruit and veg and I think that is what helped. I may be wrong but at least my skin is clear and my tummy flat(ter)!

We have lost out on the third house, I don't have the energy to even talk about that yet. Only God knows how far with us and looking for a house.

PS Where is Temite????? In fact where is Laide (XSN) too? Afrobabe are you on strike? As for RocNaija, I am calling search and rescue. Don't make me start looking for all of you.

What da hell mehn?

2009-11-13T13:02:00.002Z

As an old gateman I knew would say, "what da hell is wrong with me mehn?".

All this talk about housing issues and all the crap going on I forgot to write something exicting..I have bought my ticket! Oh yeah, Caramel Delight is of to Naija! Whoooooooop!

My friend with the speedy courtship is getting married and I'm off. I have been so caught up about the fact that her cousin bought a bridesmaid dress that is too small for me (mscheeeeewwww) and will need some kind of magician tailor and the fact that I had to rob a bank to pay for my last minute ticket that I forget to revel in the fact that I am on holiday for two weeks in the sunshine and will have access to roast plantain and suya and if my Dad can manage it I will get to see him and my brother as I'm up north.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP! DO THE SHUFFLE!

[Scene One]

A young fine voluptuous black woman walks in Heathrow airport with a full trolley that has a dodgy wheel. She walks to the airport desk and checks in. With her boarding pass in hand she dazzles the airline staff with her 100 watt smile, says thank you and walks away with her hand luggage and handbag.

She walks into the food court, brings out a small CD player, places in the middle of the room and presses play as provocative cabaret music starts to play. Our young dazzling heroine then proceeds to slowly peel off the gloves, scarf, coat, jumper, t-shirt, tights and wool trousers till all that remains is a one piece Ankara bathing suit.

[Que airport security]

OK fine I won't do it but I feel like it :)

Life's little pleasures (re-mix)

2009-11-05T14:20:00.004Z

I don't consider myself a stupid person but let me just say I seriously underestimated the drama with moving from a house you have lived in for 20 years. Rita asked me once if I would be sad, the problem is that I didn't have time to be sad! In the end with all the bags of stuff we gave away and the colossal amount we threw away (some of it behind my Mother's back) we still filled up a big moving van twice and a mini van (like sandwich vans) three times. Chineke!

May God bless my friends that helped, my Uncle that drove down from Birmingham in the early hours of the morning, and my cousins who have turned wrapping into an art form (they read my blog cough cough) and I thank the Holy Spirit for holding me back so I didn't back hand the moving van man that was shouting at my Mother! Who born you? I ran out of the bathroom in just my wrapper (I swear I didn't remember I was undressed) and told him to STOP SHOUTING AT MY MOTHER! See trouble oh! The day before he had seen three family members to help him so when he came the next day and they weren't there he started hollering that we are taking advantage of him! What exactly is your bloody job description?

Anyway I am not glamorously homeless, a friend of mine kindly offered her empty flat. So we are just perching till we find a house that works.

There is so much bad stuff happening this week. I don't even have the energy to list them. Yes oh, they can be listed!!! I have been praying extra because it was coming from all angles. My manager not liking my work, deaths, accidents, serious illnesses, Christmas plans going to pot (a pox on the British High Commission) my Dad and his family wahala AGAIN!!! This time they called police men from Benin to come and arrest my Dad and one of his brothers who didn't agree to join the idiots and the police came two days after the poor man's traditional wedding. What must his poor bride be going through?

So I am doing that mind exercise where you list your favourite things to make you feel better. If you could do with some cheering up, add your own, trust me it helps.

Long unhurried phonecalls from my favourite people.

Chicken Laska soup (yummmm and less than 5% fat)

Hot bubble baths

When my brother makes my Dad call me so he can say goodnight before he goes to bed.

Black men in a good suit (whoosh)

Abba. I can't get enough Abba in my life.

My cousin's legendary game nights. I have found I have an untapped talent for Taboo and Charades. Pictionary is a killer though.

Blogsville, though I miss the Old Guard, the new writers on the block are blowing my mind.

Hot pink or fire engine red on my toes.

Lighting a candle in Church, it's like my prayers are continued even though I have left.

..........and foot rubs (I got introduced to that recently, oh my).

You see? Feeling better.

PS My computer is in storage with everything else so forgive any long gaps. I can only blog from work now during my break.

Just when you thought it was safe enough to re-direct your mail

2009-10-27T00:52:00.002Z

Hold fire on the champagne ladies, the second house has fallen through. They were trying to play a sharp move on my Maternal Unit and she has called their bluff. Basically we were going to rent from them till the legal stuff was complete and we officially 'bought' it. Then at the 11th hour when we called to ask for the keys to come and clean the house they said, "we won't give you the house till you complete".

Well my Mum said they could piss off, she's not buying again. So we are still moving out this Friday but to a storage facility and I will be gloriously homeless.

You have to love life.

In other breaking news, after five blood tests and an ultrasound, the doctors had nothing new to tell me. No explanation to my harsher symptoms. If anything, the cysts have reduced! But no monthly dooda. That pissed me off more than the house. I wanted answers to my freaky womb issues. I was so wound up, I came and slept. The thinking had tired me out.

I woke after 40 minutes (power nap) prayed, had a cup of tea and watched Phineas & Ferb and felt better. God dey (as always).

My friend (of the 4month courtship) is in town to buy some wedding stuff. Please bloggers help me and thank God. The bridesmaid dress she wanted us to wear was not in stock or something. Phewwwwww. It has that skirt that is pinched in places and looks like a duvet (Americans read: comforter) or some kind of bedding, you bring out when you have house guests. Nooo way! I used sharp sense and said I would help her look and found a classic elegant design which hopefully should be in stock.

In my Narnia bedroom (see former post) I found my First Holy Communion pictures. My Maternal Unit had put my hair in one bunch and decided to put one hair roller one each side of my head so I could have curls or ringlets (watching too many white kids on tv gave her ideas). She didn't figure that my side hair wasn't long enough, therefore there wasn't enough hair to go around the roller. The end result was hair in half a bend upwards, looking like I had HORNS on the side of my head like a little imp in white!

If I have the guts, I'll put up the picture. Can I sue?

From my bed

2009-10-23T22:54:00.001+01:00

I'm not a slacker but I'm tired. I'm a strong Nigerian woman but my feet hurt. For a few minutes I'm going to allow myself to wish that I had a man into whose arms I could crawl and tell how my day was while he rubbed my feet and listened patiently while I ranted about estate agents, bastard solicitors, lost deliveries, weekend long work projects and the vanishing brown sellotape.
I would get my hug, my kisses and a slight admonishment not to call bastards solicitors as it would hurt their feelings. Then I would fall asleep in his arms having found my first moment of peace in the day. Oh well.

We got the house and we will be allowed to rent it while the paperwork is being completed.

I should be exicted but I can't be bothered.

Met a gunshot victim today. Had his left eye and half his skull destroyed by just one tiny motion. I told him that I had never been so close to a miracle before.

Blogging via Blackberry is hard.

I have found all sorts of crap in my room while packing out. It's so bizarre I wouldn't be surprised if I walked through my wardrobe and came out into Narnia.

Baby showers now have online gift lists! How disturbed am I?! I blame America.

I feel a bit better now. Good night and God bless x

Ps dear Myne Whitman, you are 10 times a better writer than the author of a book I tried to read today. It was so badly written, your story deserved whatever money was spent putting that rubbish to print!

Mama and pikin don kolo!

2009-10-13T14:11:00.002+01:00

Just yesterday I told my Mum that she was cracking up. Why? She left the electric blanket on in her bedroom overnight while she went to work and that is a serious fire hazard. She also left the key in the lock of our side door, also overnight! My guardian angel must have been working overtime (thank you guardian angel sorry for stressing you). So there I am begging my Maternal Unit to take it easy before I get murdered in my bed before my time.

Then what did I do?

I made a rookie mistake in a press release I wrote yesterday. I'm still kicking myself over that one. Then I came to work today with our house phone in my handbag. [sigh].

I guess my promise not to stress isn't holding that well. Well we can't rent our house anymore. SO we have to bounce by the 31st and the house we want to buy, the agent omitted to tell us that is it ex-council which means we wouldn't have offered the price we did for it. So we are looking again.........

Here is the joke my manager sent to cheer me up, enjoy.

The Funeral Procession

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this.
Whose funeral is it?'

'My wife's.

''What happened to her?'

The man replied , 'My dog attacked and killed her'

He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?'

The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.'

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.

'Can I borrow the dog?'

The man replied, 'Get in line.'

Release me !!!!!

2009-10-11T12:10:00.002+01:00

Church today was like an arrow through my chest, I'm reeling. The Gospel reading was the one where a lovely young man comes to Jesus and asks what he has to do to gain eternal life. Jesus told him to follow the commandments and He listed them out for the young man. The man says he has followed all of them his whole life. Jesus looks at him and loved his earnestness and told him, OK last thing.....sell everything you own, give the money to the poor and come and follow me. The young man was crushed because he was quite rich and he walked away.

So Father Micheal (our Irish priest, always keeps it real), he said in his homily (preaching), why do we think that Jesus had issues with rich people? That it was the danger of letting your possessions possess you. That as humans we will always feel insecure and seek comfort and security from all sorts of areas and when we let them clog up our beings and we are bound in them.

I hope I'm making sense because I'm paraphrasing horribly.......

Anyway he then said, we shouldn't be feeling happy with ourselves just because we don't have a holiday home in the south of France or a six figure salary. That there are other sorts of things that can posses us just as badly as material possessions can. Attitudes and behavioural patterns that block our souls and restrict us from inner peace and communication with God. He stressed that we need to be honest and identify what they were so that we could be released and have inner calm and serenity, thereby being able to experience a bit of heaven while on earth.

That really got me. I have known for ages that I'm not at peace. Deep down where it really matters I know that I don't have the serenity I remember possessing once. Let me tell you, even if you aren't religious, there is something to be said for letting go of the crap that is blocking up your life.

For me it's not possessions. I don't have anything that is a prized possession, my room could go up in flames and apart from my baby pictures I wouldn't be fussed. No my biggest issue is attitude. I know I have been disturbed by what has been happening to my Dad. I am not a hateful person and yet I hate his siblings. They dared harm my parents and that's not on. Hating them is harming me.

My constant weight issues is also weighing me down (pun intended). Obsessing over my body has definitely possessed me and blocked me from reaching out to God. Of that I'm sure. While praying in Church these two things sprung to mind and I know others will crop up when I think about it. I have this thing where I think I am not where I am meant to be. I worry that I'm wasting my life somehow. The kicker is if you ask me what I'm meant to be doing, I don't know!! So I go over and over all these things and they are my possessions. Strapped to the back of my consciousness, never letting me focus on what's important like my communication with God.

Funnliy enough while thinking, I thought that Baked Beans would be an issue. I was so burnt when I came back from Christmas and the way he treated me, then the way he kept calling me and yet not being honest about why he was calling. I really thought he would be on my list, but somewhere along the way I got over it! Amazing. I'm not angry anymore! I nearly laughed out loud.

So with all this introspection, I ask God to help me. I want to release myself from past hurts and greviences and issues that I have let takeover my life. I want that inner peace, I want a glimpse of heaven on earth.

All aboard the Caramel Express

2009-10-05T11:44:00.002+01:00

The last quarter of this year is going to be nuts so strap up and enjoy the ride because you all KNOW I will be here crying, laughing, bitching and generally asking opinions etc! Don't leave me in my hour(s) of need.....

Train Stop One
So our home of 19 years is officially sold. There was a bit of a panic when we realised where we have found wouldn't be ready in time (end of October). It looked like we would have to put everything in storage and then bunk in various houses like wandering nomads. See my Maternal unit in full blown panic mode. Hmm! Her biggest problem wasn't paying for storage (I said I would), it wasn't packing up 19 yrs of your life into boxes, it wasn't where we would stay. Nope her biggest problem was her freezer.

Or should I say her three freezers!

Mum: " Caramel I can't sleep! What will happen to all my food stuffs that I suffered and brought from Nigeria? My yam? My bitter leaf? My egusi? My ukpaka etc etc.."

Me: "Mum just share it out among all your friends freezers!!"

Mum "Ohhhhhhh I don't want to!"

Na wa oh! See beef! In the end though, the new owners of our house have agreed for us to rent it from them. Thank God oh! So now the great packing begins! I know it will be a mini battle. My Maternal Unit is a self confessed pack horse! We haven't even started and already we have had our first 'words'.

Me: "I will start on my room and the sitting room. We can chuck things we don't need like our Nollywood VHS."

Mum: Why do you want to throw them away?

Me : " No one uses them anymore, it's all VCDs and DVDs."

Mum: "Then we can give it to charity shops (second hand stores) down the road."

Me: " Mum I'll be hard pressed to imagine the Cancer Research Shop stocking Living in Bondage!!"

Oh dear..........

Train Stop Two
My friend of 16 years has me gobsmacked. While her first engagement was in the process of failing, she started seeing someone else. She told me her first engagement had broken up in July, then in September she told me she is getting married to the second guy in December. My head was spinning. I just felt that it was weird to be engaged to two separate men in under a year. If I met a guy in May and was marrying him in December, my family will think I am either pregnant or nuts .....especially as I have just left a previous relationship.

Anyway (Bumight you won't believe this) I am now on my way to Nigeria in November to be her bridesmaid. I didn't plan this (obviously) and I'm stuck between wanting to be there for my friend and wondering if I have a right to worry. To be honest this was last week. Right now, I am in live and let live mode.

Anyone who followed my near bankruptcy with my cousin's wedding will not be surprised to hear that at least I have learnt my lesson. When my friend said I will have to buy my bridesmaid dress, I politely told her that I am buying a last minute air ticket to Nigeria which I did not budget for so in no way am I paying for my bridesmaid dress!!! I am in the process of buying a house, who has cash for last minute romance? Not me mate!

Train Stop Three
I have started my hospital tests because of my PCOS and all the weird symptoms I have been having. I have had two consultations, blood tests and the last is my ultrasound this week. I am in and out of my hospital these last two weeks that I am on first name basis with the ladies at reception.

My tests keep taking me out of the office and I feel awkward. I know I have to go but I can't wait for them to be over and I don't have to keep working half days. My workload is piling up. OK who wants to hear a freaky story. Went for the blood test, and they had to take five vials. The blood wouldn't come out. We tried everything and still it was just dropping. I now jokingly put on my best Lord of the Rings voice and said "You may leave my body now", See the blood start gushing into the vials eh! Hey! Scary! If you see the look the nurse gave me, like "witch" LOL!!!

Time, where art thou?

2009-09-22T09:15:00.002+01:00

Whoosh! Time has left me! Time broke up with me, took the dog and the leather sofa and left me!

Thank you for the birthday wishes. I had a lovely time, and even though my dress WAS too short I took Nice Anon and Sirius's advice and rocked it out to the best of my ability.

I also realised that I don't have a head for champagne. No, no, no and no.

My 28th year started with me deciding that I had to make more of the life that God gave me. I think I find it quite easy to sit back and take a back seat with many issues relating to my life so I am trying to change. I also vowed to stop bending over for other people and not be afraid to voice my opinion. I can make noise, but when it matters I go quiet for all the wrong reasons. Well that has stopped too.
______________________________

You know there are times (for the ladies) when you will just jump in and out of the shower, barely manage to rub body lotion and white powder and people will stop you on the road and say "Girl....... Loving the look! what make up do you use, etc, etc" Do you why? It's because your body had decided that day to work with you. All elements were in harmony, skin, hair, nails , all of it!

Well I have had many a day like that but this week! This week when I really need to be hot hot hot, my body has joined our postal workers and gone on strike! My hair is crooked, my skin is weird (autumn is here), and as for my tummy! Well, it's not even pretending to hear me LOL! Don't worry I wrote a petition to God. I expect a reply soon.

I'm buying a house with my Mum, (oh how terribly adult-like) only problem is we have a buyer but we haven't found anywhere for ourselves! See the stress! I have been to so many house viewings I now dream about them. So now the heat is on to find a house. I wrote God an email about that too.

More drama at home. My Dad now has two bodyguards permantly. I never believed there would be a day I would say that. Weird people keep coming to the Palace and asking bizarre questions. The latest was that two men in dark glasses came knocking at 5am in the morning asking for my Dad. Our househelp (so very unlike her) actually opened the door to them! She only told them that he had travelled, even though they grilled her. Then on her way to 6am mass, she realised that the big palace metal gates were padlocked and bolted, so the men had not come that morning, they had been in the grounds overnight. Na wa!

OK have to go and work! Stay happy! Stay blessed!

She bought me pink roses

2009-09-04T12:20:00.003+01:00

Happy September. August has left with my blessing and any hope of proper sunshine this country hopes to have for the rest of the year.

August was bad.

It started with a heavy weight on my chest and a constant feeling of dread that all was wrong and if it wasn't it was about to be. The smallest thing would annoy me and I couldn't sort out irrational anger from normal anger anymore. I would have mood swings where I was at my funniest and dazzling and in two hours I would be weepy. I thought it was PMS and then my period wouldn't turn up and let me tell you, I am as regular as a Swiss watch. I broke out in spots on my chest (me beautiful skin!!!), I was so bloated I couldn't wear my rings or high heel shoes and no period for three weeks.

Two things happened one weekend that finally made me go to the doctor. The first was that a friend would ask me about my birthday (next Monday !!) and I would be so upset. I couldn't face my birthday. I kept thinking that I was about to be 28 and all I could see were things that were wrong, I kept thinking I should have some kind of 5 year plan or something, I then refused to book the VIP room where I was going to have my birthday. I just didn't want to know. Then the worst was waking up on a Sunday morning crying my eyes out for about three hours. I missed Church (not my normal MO) and just lay on my couch for what seemed like for ever.

The next day I booked my appointment.

So the long and short of it was that eight years ago I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and I was told that my levels were low and I should be able to carry on just fine, but from what I was telling him, it had cranked up a couple of gears and that now I had a common symptom: depression. So after referring me to the hospital for tests etc. He wrote me a prescription of anti-depressants! I told him HELL NO! I'm Nigerian, we don't roll like that. He then went on and on about her my symptoms will only get worse while I am waiting for my turn to the see the gynaecologist. For any woman reading this it's like when you go to the hairdressers and YOU KNOW that the style they are working on your head won't suit you but your powerless to change their mind. Well this is what it was like only that instead of a hairdresser it was my family doctor.

Did I mention I have had the same doctor since I was 10?

So I took the prescription but I didn't go to the pharmacy. I went home and gave it to the Maternal Unit. I went upstairs and I said to God, "I do not live on Wisteria Lane, I am not about to start taking anti-depressants, you have to help me find a way to beat this!"

So I went online and saw countless websites with all these women from around the world sharing different ways which they have tried to bring it under control and manage their symptoms(can't be cured). So while I wait for the slow machine of the NHS to reach me, I am trying to tackle this myself. All the websites say the same thing: bring your weight down and watch your hormone levels balance out (irregular hormone levels is what causes all the issues). So it is back to weigh ins and weight loss chatter on my blog :) I can't call it Freaky Bridesmaid Diet so it needs a new name....any suggestions? The bitch of it all though is that a rise in the wrong hormones makes weight loss more difficult to acheive [sigh].

With regards to the prescription, my Mum looked up the drug is her kick ass medical dictionary and it had the worst list of side effects she had ever seen. She was so horrified that she ripped it up at work on her ward and threw it away without thinking and then remembered it wasn't even hers! LOL! She came home and apologised for not telling me first but she was resolute.

I don't care I wasn't going to take it anyway! Anyway I exercise more, spend more time in prayer and reflection , just that moment in the day when you have quiet time and can pause and be still. I also called back the club and re-booked my birthday doo daa. I note that I am still over fussy over things and worry stupidly (case in point, latest problem my dress is too short for my party and my knees look awful. PLEASE SOMEONE BEAT ME) but I just shake it away.

_______________________________

I got to know someone special. Someone who made me feel special, no scratch that ......made me feel like a Princess and a Goddess all rolled into one. I didn't feel like I was playing a balancing act, where the wrong move would make you fall. I could be myself and be free. I've had letters that made me cry and poems that make me blush and phone calls that make me laugh at 2 am in the morning. I can't find the words.....treasured! There it is, I felt treasured and hand on my heart no man has ever made me feel that way, not once. As wonderful as I have felt though, it all reminds me of spun sugar; sweet, beautiful but oh so very fragile. Whatever happens, I don't regret knowing you. I thank God for bringing you into my life, because when I felt like I was in a gutter, you put me on a throne.

xxx

_______________________________

My Mum flew to America for her niece's wedding and couldn't pack because she was working double shifts everyday so I packed for her, matched all the outfits, sewed on missing buttons, did fashion consultancy on wrapper and handbags and shoes and wrapped in cling film and sellotape 10 bottles of Ace bleach for my Aunt as they don't have in it America (I know I know). So when she came back from work with a bunch of roses I thought it was because I had helped her pack but she said: "No not just that. I know I want you to move to your husbands house (when I was your age I had married your Father) but you should know I appreciate everyday that you are here with me." Awwwwwwww I love my Mum!

________________________________

BIG BOSOM HUG (c) to everyone on Blogsville and massive shout out to my Followers! See oh ..... 32 beautiful Caramelicious people. Thank you oh! I remember when it was six LOL! God bless xx

Can you spot the difference?

2009-08-12T17:15:00.003+01:00

On the left is my travel card wallet. On the right is one of Always's finest feminine products. So I'm running late this morning, got to my station and stuck my hand into the jumble that is my handbag. I pulled out my travel card wallet and swiped it at the gate. Nothing. Swiped it again. Nothing! Looked at my hand, I Caramel Delight, 27 year old woman, was swiping my sanitary towel at the card reader!!! Chai! Lord have mercy!

This is why it isn't good to rush!!!

So the station officer edges towards me at the exact time I realised my mistake. I'm telling you the guy went from pink to red!!! I just burst out laughing! Only me oh! Only me!

They were all 'ROTFLMAOing on Twitter but if you see the pictures you can see where my senses were going. Can someone please console me with other stories of mortification?

It's funny.......but it's true!!!

2009-08-11T11:46:00.002+01:00

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Singleton Epiphany

2009-08-02T17:47:00.003+01:00

I had an epiphany last night, gosh it was blinding but let me rewind.

The two Bridget Jones books were already bestsellers before the movies came out, but the movies made them worldwide hits. In the UK words from the book actually made it into popular culture. Two big phrases were 'Singletons' and 'Smug marrieds'. Hilariously a 'singleton' = was a single professional urbanite woman and a 'smug married' to the best of my knowledge = married couples who you knew who always rubbed their status in your face or would disturb you about your single status.

For the record NONE of my friends have entered into the 'smug married' status but I wanted to explain where my title came from. OK, back to my story. In the space of a year barring one lovely young lady, my inner circle of sisterfriends have been blessed with either a quarter to fiancee, fiancee, or husband. I have been there from the beginning with all their stories and have watched them and their men move from that first date "what's my own, he has been disturbing me since, let me at least go and eat free food", to the realisation that he is the one, "OMG, he proposed, he proposed, I didn't see it coming, shebi you know you will be my bridesmaid?" LOL!!

Of course things change and dynamics change but that is to be expected. I hope I have always known to be supportive and give a hand when needed (surprise birthdays etc) and just be happy for them. But yesterday for the first time I felt the DIVIDE. We had planned a girls night out for about 3 weeks for last night. Then from the morning one by one they all dropped out due to one reason or the other stemming from this new life they had to try and balance out. Even with all our UN style tactical planning, it just fell at the last hurdle and I was gutted because I didn't realise how much I had been looking forward to going out with them till it didn't happen.

I had my blinding epiphany that I was now a Bridget Jones style 'singleton'. For the first time I felt not that my friends were coupled, but that I wasn't! Nothing wrong with that, but my close circle have moved on to another phase of their life and that is one bridge I can't cross yet. I still want to enjoy myself and go to movies, clubs and shopping but a buddy just ain't a phone call away anymore.

I learnt earlier on to make sure I wasn't a third wheel (nothing in the world worse I tell you) but I have to also learn that we can't have the same social life either. They have to stretch their time to their men and the commitments that come with that and I need a new raving crew!

Nothing will ever change them being my sisters and confidants but the fabric of the situation has altered (hmm big English) and I need to adjust to that.

All the gist I owe you/ 2nd year bloggerversary

2009-07-27T14:39:00.005+01:00

I participated in Race for Life, which is a 5 km race for Cancer Research, exclusively for female participants. Why it's so popular is because you can run, jog or walk the route. I, Caramel had a fantastic mixture of 75% jog and 25% power walking! I also had bunny ears on, but you will have to imagine that one, as you can see some ladies ran in tutus, while others wore pink pj's!! 17,000 women were there on my day alone!!!! The atmosphere was electric. I raised over £200, not sure yet though as some of my aunty's HAVEN'T GIVEN ME THEIR PLEDGE!!!!

Next year I'm going to run it, I have proven to myself that I can move my ass off my couch, so I now I want to do more ;)

Freaky Bridesmaid Diet Result = I lost 6kg/13.2 lbs

The wedding happened oh!!! Now I can allow Blogsville rest!!! LOL!!!! It went well oh! Thank God! See the outfit, hope I represented you all well ;) Also I didn't go with the make up/hair people and I swear you wouldn't know the difference (whoop whoop)! The bride looked beyond radiant and she put her own spin on things and looked unique.

Scariest moment = The cleaning staff in the hotel where we slept taking all our flowers, because they thought it was rubbish!!! Blood of Jesus! I nearly fainted! We followed one person to their office to see who they can call and there was two of our bouquets in individual vases of water!!! Heyyyyyyyyy!! I was furious! The look I gave the guy, he didn't know when he went running to look for the other four bunches. I thank God for that miracle, can you imagine if anything had happened?

I have to praise my fellow bridesmaids oh! We were running around on chores and still looked radiant , even though I forgot my slippers in the hotel and ended up hobbling in pain :) Highlights of the day has to be the Micheal Jackson dance off during the reception! Fabulous!

It's my second year of being on Blogger and I feel like the shine has worn off in Blogsville. Some of my idols have vanished and I can't feel the heat. I'm still here shah, this is where I come to think. The Diary of a Lost One is very precious to me and I thank God that I have had it these past two years. Thanks to all who drop by and listen to my yapping (yessssss I know I talk too much)!!

PS How do you get a guy out of your head?

How can someone else's wedding financially cripple me?

2009-07-14T16:12:00.004+01:00

Dress - £130
Hair - £40
Styling (WTF?) - £50
Shoes - £30
F&$king import duty for the dresses from the States - £40

Total so far......£290!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We bought the dresses from America to save money and now with this import rubbish it's the same amount anyway! I have lost weight and will have to get the dress fitted, I don't know how much that will cost. Also because I don't usually wear strapless outfits, I have to buy a strapless bra as well and they don't come cheap! The entire bill could reach £350. I am so angry, I have a headache.

What annoys me as well is that it is colouring my feelings towards the wedding. Someones special day and you are meant to be happy for them and all you can hear at the back of your head is the sound of over a quarter of your monthly paycheck going down the drain. I'm glad I put my foot down and said no to the make up lady (another £30). I will wear white powder and not give a damn!

I dare not talk to the bride or her sister right now because I will start family wahala. I am trying to cool down and it's not working. For the first time in my life, I get why people don't like weddings.

__________________________________

UPDATE
I have been fuming all day and walking around like black thunder trying to see ways of saving money and doing maths in my head ( a sure route to putting me in a graver mood). So I got home and my Mum came in after. Our neighbour called on us and he is sooooooo sick. He looks hagard, has lost three stone, can't keep food down and is frail (a man in his thirties). He is on hi and hello terms with my Mother and came to ask for a lift to the hospital tomorrow as his limbs hurt and he can't make it to the the bus stop without difficulty.

I gave him some food because he lives alone and my Mum agreed to take him tomorrow. Dear God, I thank you for my health, I won't shout over expensive weddings. What is money compared to health and having someone to look after you? I just learnt a very painful lesson this evening.

Case of the Ex(s)

2009-07-11T22:47:00.002+01:00

This morning I thought it would be a quiet day with no headaches.

By this afternoon I had changed my mind. My bridesmaid drama showed no signs of abating. I had called the bride's sister to ask a question about jewellery and mentioned in passing that i was off to buy our gold shoes, only to hear...
"Oh no Caramel it's not gold anymore, it's now silver."
"What do you mean?"
"Well we saw the dress up close and realised that it had silver threading and decided to change the shoes."
"No one told me!!!!! So if I hadn't called you, I would have been screwed."
"I thought you knew"

What rankles is that for ages I have been browsing shops and have passed countless silver shoes but have turned a blind eye in my quest for f@*king gold shoes. Two weeks before the wedding, outfit change and NOT A WORD !

Fast forward to the evening. My friend PL, had helped me picked the shoes and was going to have dinner with her fiancee. I had picked up my dinner and didn't want to rush home to my World War 3 house in a hurry and asked if I could chill in her flat and have my dinner then go home.

So far, so good.

We get to her flat, and I see that her brother (Ex-hottie, best kisser to date, former object of my desire, currently engaged to be married) was not going out but staying in. Not an issue. PL and her fiancee go to dinner, Ex-hottie goes to the sitting room and I'm in the kitchen making dinner and speaking on my phone.

After a while PL starts calling, I ignore it as I'm talking to my friend from India but it's persistent. She calls ex-hottie to say that they are turning around and are on the way to take me to dinner too!

Huh?

Why on earth would you break your date to turn around and add plus one? I argued that I had had dinner already, that they were on a date, that this made no sense! Nope, she said, they had decided to come and get me, it's Saturday night etc etc.

Fantastic, I am now a pity case.

I ask ex-hottie, why is your sister turning kolo, and he says.."she doesn't trust me alone in the house with you!"

I was about to laugh until I saw the look on his face. I seriously don't think he's joking. Now I'll wonder, really wonder what all of that was about! Is that why they came back? Does she know something I don't? Are we not all adults? He's getting married for heaven's sake!

Then in the middle of all of that, while I'm waiting for them to come and get me and I'm trying to decipher the look on ex-hottie's face, I'm getting three texts from Baked Beans! Is something in the air! Can you imagine! After total silence for 6 months, suddenly random jokey texts! For me to say what exactly?

'LOL'
'How are you?'
' :0)'

Rubbish!!!!!

I, Caramel Delight, look foward not backwards! Old news belongs in the bin!*

*Metaphor for old love interests, not encouragement to not recycle.

MJ 1958 - 2009

2009-06-26T07:56:00.002+01:00

Where were you when you heard Michael Jackson had died?

I had just come back from Accident and Emergency because my boss fell in our theatre during a show and chipped a bone in her leg. Shattered and tired at 11.20pm, a text from my cousin....Micheal Jackson is dead! I called her back and shouted at her that I'm not in the mood. She told me to go and put on my TV.

Michael!! I told my Mum when I was little that you were the only one I wanted to marry, we loved your music so much. I am speechless. No one can ever touch you, ever.

I hope death gives you the peace you never had in life.

RIP.

I dreamt of Bumight...and other curious things

2009-06-23T21:18:00.003+01:00

I had banned myself from online activity like Blogger and FB because at work we are in the middle of our new campus launch. No simple ribbon cutting here, nope! Six days of 17 events like shows, lectures, open days and celebrity visits. The highlight of my career thus far, the result of four months planning, the justification of my MA!

Day two, my feet are dead and I'm shattered!

Anywhos, the news reached me that Bumight said she might end her e-pregnancy because Doug was looking at my bum, and I thought, I have to blog this evening cos this is too freaky!

I dreamt about Bumight last weekend. In the dream, Mum is reading The Guardian newspaper and I see a column written by Bumight. It's actually got that name on its byline. I snatch the paper and yell that I know that person! I scan the paper and in my dream I identify her (no picture) by phrases she uses in her blog. I wonder though, because I'm thinking when did she leave medicine now? How come she is writing for a big British newspaper?

So when I woke up, I was very perplexed. I don't dream about bloggers! Well there was this one time,very racy dream actually ;) I digress. I was very very very puzzled! Then I cracked it! Remember my cousin who got me frantic because we had to pay £175 for the bridesmaid dress? Well after deep prayer, we got it cheaper in America. Now we are being told about £30 for make up for our face and £50 for our hair to be styled. Not fixing the weave, just arranging it!! £50 !!!!!

I am pissed off! The whole evening I was muttering to myself. I won't do the make up but the hair I can't get out off :( So my last thought to myself as I went to bed was "Shebi Bumight wants to be a bridesmaid, she should be careful what she wishes for oh!"

That's why I dreamt of Bumight! LOL!

One more curious thing before I crash for the night. Two nights ago, my Mum woke me up by calling my name and saying I should come to her room. I ran out to find glass all over her carpet floor. I looked to the window and the ceiling wondering what had fallen and saw nothing. The thick sheet of glass that we place over our cabinet tops to protect the wood at home, had cracked and splintered into a million tiny pieces, ALL BY ITSELF.

Standing in her room I could still hear the damn thing cracking and pinging as it continued to shatter and shatter in more tiny diamond like pieces. That is the freakiest thing I have ever seen in my whole life. My Geek Squad Captain said it must be heat but we have actually turned off the central heating at home. The house is the coolest it has ever been. Weird! I don't like the fact that it poured all over her floor and over her duvet, it could have gotten her face. Na God oh!

OK short post has turned epic. Time for bed.

PS Sirus you aren't online!
PPS Do you know the kind of self control needed to not read tempting blog posts till the weekend?

Hmmmmmm

2009-06-14T23:11:00.003+01:00

Due to popular demand (OK fine only four people) as promised before all the wahala, for the first time in six years, MY BUTT IN JEANS! LMAO!

Taken in the most quiet point in my office building, where no one would find us taking butt pictures ;)

Freaky Caramel got let out today, I had nearly stifled her to death. I can be a sensual person but it gets lost in all my hustle and bustle blah! Not today.... and for that space in time it wasn't about money issues, work deadlines, family stress, corrupt Nigerian policemen or dodgy bridesmaid's hairstyles.

It was just about how good it feels when someone weaves a little special magic.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. I was positively purring.

Tissues and issues

2009-06-07T19:58:00.002+01:00

I never knew panic could be so crippling! So I'll just say thank you for all your kind thoughts and prayers. I have no shame, when I need extra praying power I go to all who can help both here and in the 'real' world! I'm guessing if God gets harassed enough by everybody then He can't ignore me, right?

In a nutshell, my Dad's brothers that I spoke about about two posts back, went to Abuja and brought 'policemen for hire' to arrest my parents and my Dad's cousin on trumped up charges. Luckily my Mum wanted to visit her mum before going on to fly back to London so they were not home (missed them by an hour) when they came to harass them. They did grab my Dad's cousin though. Hey! Every five minutes my phone was ringing.

Hearing your Mum panic that they might try to grab her before she boards a plane, (they actually tried but went to the wrong airport) when she has done nothing wrong is the worst thing I have experienced in my adult life. The worst part was being in London and feeling useless. My Mum is back and my Dad is in Abj with proof to show that the allegations are false.

My fear is gone and is now replaced with anger. I don't take to kindly to idiots trying to harm my parents. 20 years of stress all because my Dad was trying to hang on to the dream and legacy of my Grandfather's family. Well that's over and he has realised that now. Even those that aren't the trouble makers stick their heads in the sand and pretend nothing is going on. That entire palace can burn as far as I am concerned. To your tent oh Isreal.

Anyway, it's all about the funds now. Before it was money for the house, now you got to think of court cases as well but God dey. I will happily embrace being broke to bring this whole pile of crap to an end. You need to see my Mum, she came back having lost all this weight from stress! Hmmm! No this won't do at all.

I'm going to bounce, but I wanted to say that God will bless all of you. New friends and old for emails and phonecalls and making me laugh. I feel like I have lost my blogging mojo and all (chai I haven't even been on Fatbusters since) but I wanted to explain in a nutshell and say thank you.

CaramelD xxx

Silent prayers

2009-06-02T19:04:00.004+01:00

I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved, he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Isreal will neither slumber or sleep.

The Lord is your keeper, the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The Sun shall not smite you by day, nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all evil, he will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and for evermore.

This was good enough for David all those thousands of years ago, then it is good enough for me, a woman who has lost her ability to talk properly to God. This Psalm is all that goes through my head. God please I hope you hear my prayers, I always thought that poor health is what would make me fear for my parents. I never thought it would be murderous intentions of people who share the same blood line as me that would make me weak with worry. I dread every Nigerian phonecall right now.

I don't doubt that you are doing something, the minute they went to visit my Grandmother is the moment the hired thugs came looking for them, God please please please please I am a 27 yr old woman in tears, please my parents are all I have.

Nollywood ain't got shit on my family right now.

2009-05-18T14:21:00.002+01:00

Late last year I lamented about problems my Dad was facing with the male members of his polygamous family. When he got back to Nigeria their accusations came thick and fast, one of them being that he does 'juju' and is behind some of his half brother's failures (if you met these men you would doubt that).

So one of the results of this is that a particular brother (I don't call them uncles, it's a disrespect to the true meaning of that word) took my Dad in Feb to the cathedral in Onitsha in front of a priest and they both swore not only on a Bible but on the Blessed Sacrament that if they have done juju against anyone in the family may they be struck down etc etc (I will have to confirm the exact wording later).

The guy died last week.

So now some brothers have all rolled into town to plan his funeral and said my Dad killed him. Haba, this one Daddy is busy oh. He didn't want to go to the Cathedral but did it to calm all the rumours in the palace, now the stupid man is dead and it's still his fault. They can't have it both ways, either he is using juju or he isn't...... My poor Dad I feel so sorry for him. See what an accident of birth can do. I can't wait for the house to be finished so that we can be done with living in the palace with those sorry excuses for human beings.

See an example, after a meeting was held, it was decided my Dad would turn over all the property still left in my Grandfather's name so that it will all be sold (instead of rented out) and the money shared out right. A committee was formed and now the idiots need certain papers of my Grandfather and don't have it because of the of the really vile ones a few years back vandalised my Grandfather's old office where all his papers have been kept untouched.

Then my Mum called me from home (she is still there) to say that my brother's nanny had been feeling unwell, went for a blood test and was confirmed to be HIV positive! So she went for a confirmation test in the teaching hospital and ran away from there. The looked for her and then she sent someone with her keys and mobile phone saying she was too ashamed to come home. My Mum was out of her mind because she wanted her and the nanny to go to Lagos for anti-viral drugs. So for one week no sign of her. I was praying so badly. She turned up on Saturday, thank God. I heard anti-viral drugs are mad expensive, but I have my car savings so I will definately contribute.

I had a headache with all the phonecalls from home this weekend. I also feel a little helpless. I'll get on my kness to pray and I don't even know where to start. I feel OK, then restless, then OK. I wish someone could put a hand on my head and heart and calm both.

In totally different embarrasing news, I got so exicted when Man Utd won the Champions League that I texted both my Dad and Baked Beans to share my glee without thinking. It was so automatic. The shame of it! It was such a natural inclination. Aaaarrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh. I deleted his numbers to stop all this rubbish. My friends are still laughing. Hmph!

Please pray for my parents. Thank you.

Man Maths (UPDATE)

2009-05-15T14:25:00.000+01:00

So approximately how many frogs does a woman have to work through to average out a prince? Or in plain English, what is the ratio these days for weird/crappy/freaky dates : normal dates? There has to be some kind of scientific formula. There are so many whizz kids in Blogsville, someone must know?

I'm not a Hollywood/Disney devotee, I know real life. I'm not asking for an outing with Prince Charming (we are human after all) but darn! I do not need the kind of situation where you are thinking to yourself, "someone is going to jump out with a camera crew and yell 'SURPRISE' because this cannot be happening to me!"

As the song asks, who really did let all the dogs out??? This is why I stay home, but then my friends shout at me to go out!

I NEED A BISCUIT!!! (I'm not going to have one though).
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It's that time of the week . Drumroll.....................

Freaky Bridesmaid Diet/ Week 6 = No Change

I need to increase my exercise serioulsy!(Not Roc's type of exercise LOL) I felt I hadn't lost so I'm not surprised. Drank a lot of alcohol on Saturday and that will hinder all progress. So onwards and upwards!

I am wearing jeans for the first time in six years and I look goooooooood! Next time I will take a picture of my bum and post it. That is how happy I am :)

Drama in my office this week oh! Two crying managers from different units with different issues. Na wa oh! Tensions are running high and Caramel is running to Birmingham. I need a break from London haba. Have a blessed weekend everybody.

COME DANCE WITH ME, COME DANCE WITH ME, COME PARTY WITH ME, IT'S CARAMEL D!

2009-05-08T21:04:00.004+01:00

Woooooooooooooo hooooooooooooooooooooo!
Conga Line!!!!

We totally kicked ass last night! Praise the Lord! Alleluia! Alleluia, Amen!

To recap, I work for a Marketing Dept in a Further Education college in London. So last night was our Oscars so to speak. We were up against other colleges and big big universities (whose marketing and PR budget is nearly 10 times our own).

So for the three entries we were nominated for we won awards in all three! Wooo hoooooooo! You have Gold, Silver and Bronze. So we won Gold in a tough category where we were the only college and 9 flipping universities! When they called our name our table went nuts! Could not believe it! So that was for Integrated Regional Campaign. We won Bronze for Print Media (very happy I had to write the nomination entry, 2500 of full blown English) and our boss won Silver for Marketeer of the Year.

That's how we carried one trophy and three plaques to work today (but we came in late shah, we left the venue at 12.30am). That validation feels soooooooooo good, especially as it is a UK wide competition. Sooooo PARTY OVER HERE!!!!!

Ironically we had the dinner and awards ceremony at the Royal Courts of Justice and I thought 'this is the closest my Dad is ever going to get me in court' LOL.

In other gist since I have joined Fatbusters I will change my weigh in day to coincide with their own so I weighed myself this morning and guess what...I had lost 1kg !!! Even though it's not yet a full week!

Freaky Bridesmaid Diet/Week 5 = 1 kg

I need more exercise, so went to get a new sports bra. Gosh it was so complex. They had grades for different strengths of bra. 1 - 5 Imagine! There was a chart at the back of each packet, the type of complicated chart that Danny B would love. Eg If you are 32C and want to do yoga then level 1, if you are 34B and want to horse riding (gini?) then level 3 etc etc! Na wa oh! I spent time in that store scratching my head for real. The worse part is that poor me 36F, everything apart from gentle stretching was Level 4, Level 4, Level 4! Foolish and ingredients!

So that is how one sports bra was £28! Lord have mercy! I didn't have a choice oh! Have to get one before you are doing kickboxing lessons and your chest nearly takes out your eye all in the name of losing weight!

Please pray for me oh, I have two places I need to be tomorrow one is in Luton, one is in London, no car, just trains and my leggedes benz. It's loooong man! Chai! This time next year I am driving , na aha Jesu Kristi, Amen!

In all Honesty............

2009-05-04T18:45:00.005+01:00

Sirus tagged me a while ago, but I really have issues with deep introspection. In the past though I promised to be completely honest in my blog so this should be right up my street, no? Well anywhos yeah me!!! (That's me bragging by the way: see below).

RULES

1.You must brag about it

2.You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger

3.You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Or improvise by including bloggers who have no idea who you are because you don’t have seven friends (lol).

4.Show the seven random victims’ names and links and leave a harassing comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog. Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.

5.List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on!

For anyone who wants to know, here goes....

1. I always, always, always burst into spontaneous song and dance routines. I have a song for every occasion. I sing in my head and sometimes it blurts out. I also toe tap and do random dance routines to either cheer myself or other people up. I can't help it. I also do it in the office. I tried for a while but about my third month I cracked. It's now an office tradition that I do the happy birthday routine for anyone who's birthday it is in our team. I can mimic most styles, Bollywood, Hip Hop, cabaret, Naija styles, old musicals.....the list goes on. I love to dance, always , always, always!

2. I am still in possession of my V-Plates. I have to be psychologically comfortable with someone before I can be physically comfortable with them, so I have never understood the whole fling thing per say. So as I have never had a long term relationship, it never happened. There have been two men that if fate hadn't intervened I would have sooooooo gone there! No joke! When you click on both levels it's a beautiful thing. It doesn't come up in conversation because when you tell guys they roughly behave in three ways: like you are a challenge that needs to be conquered, a science experiment that needs studying or they just look at you in abject fascination. My favourite quote from one guy was, "but you are not a spiro, you go clubbing and dress sexy..."

3. A secret worry niggles at my brain and I have never told anyone. I wonder about the future, when God has called both my parents and I am my brother's guardian. Will he be happy? Will he want to find his birth parents (don't even know how to)? Will I be able to look after him properly? I trust in God's love but I do worry now and then.

4. My tight circle of friends are more family to me than my actual family. They are smart, kind, warm, loyal funny women and I am blessed to have them in my life.

5. I cannot stand people who snap their bubble gum while chewing. It's the most awful thing in the world in terms of decorum to me argggghhhhhhhhhh!

6. I am such a homebody. I need to be pried out of my house half the time. But when I go out I love it. Dressing up, going out and having fun, the music, the extra shiny lipgloss, the friends. Love it. (I love my wrapper too though haha).

7. Slowlyyyyyyyyyyy trying to love my body. I am trying to stop with the moaning and look after the 'vehicle of my soul' and maybe it will start looking after me back. So bitching is on a minimum. Instead I'm now looking at the parts I love. I love my boobs. They are fabulous, they can be always called upon to make a dress look hotter LOL. I love my skin too, it suffered during my childhood and now has bounced back. Erm maybe my eyes too. I shall always thank God for one special thing though. No matter how big or small I get, I always have a figure '8' correct. hahahaha. God is good!

8. Books are the life blood to my sanity. I love reading so much. As an only child growing up, they were my friends. One book meant hours of escape and adventure, and knowledge. I used to devour them. By 10/11 I was unto Mary Higgins Clark and Jeffrey Archer. My Year 4 teacher in primary school used to bring in books she was sure didn't have violence or sex because I had gone through the school's library and wanted more. Oh Miss Stimpson. I loved her! I wonder where she is now. She was so cool.

9. Spent most of my 27 years being responsible and dependable and now I hate it a bit. I get taken for granted sometimes and it sucks. I get signed up for stuff and no one bothers to ask because 'good ol' Caramel won't mind.' Hmm. I love helping but you don't want to help people so much that you lose your own life in their business! No way! Same with friends. Don't want to be the Mummy figure. Trying to break that shit. No more ageing myself before my time.

10. This stuff is hard. OK last one. I love walking around in my underwear. It's liberating. Now that it's getting warmer in London, there is a lot more of that going on. Ohh even better dancing in my underwear, fabulous! Always puts me in a good mood.

So I think everyone has done this by now, right? I'm the last one I'm sure. So like the last meme I did I am going to tag people who will probably ignore me but it might happen ;)

Freaksho
Carlang
Badderchic (where is she?)
Moka Blogger
Roc Naija
Nigerian Scorpio
Doug (my BFF is so off the radar that even NASA can't find him )

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Freaky Bridesmaid Diet/Week 4 = No change
Thank God! Why? Because last few days I have been bitched slapped by my period so doing my best impression of a beached whale. So no shaking, was actually afraid that I would put on. Women suffer you know, chai.

My love letter to Blogsville and other news

2009-04-27T18:06:00.000+01:00

I wish I could express the way I felt when I read all the lovely comments you left for me on my last post. It was like having a cold void in the pit of your stomach and having it slowly fill up with a warm fuzzy glow of happiness. Like a good movie, hot tea, good book and kissing all rolled into one :)

I felt so sad but unlike before I really didn't want to quit. Also I normally would just not talk about it but I want my blog to be an honest reflection of my life and what matters to me. So even though there are bigger things in the world, right at this point losing weight matters to me and I was sad but you made me feel better, so much better. Like little shards of light banishing the dark aura around me.

I normally answer my comments one by one but work has been maaaaaaaaaddddd intense this past week culminating in a friend's wedding yesterday which I was involved in so I am a bit sleepy from lack of sleep and hay fever medicine.

Big thank you to my lovely ladies. Thank you for the advice, the humour and the comforting words of support. I have now seen all the ways 'hugs' can be portrayed on a computer hahaha. I felt like you knew what I was going through or could understand the frustration, so My World, Sirus, Mizchif, Temite, Afrobabe, Phoenix, She, ButterC, Bibi, BSNC, Shubby Doo, Writefreak, Lil Woman, Miss Spicy Tee and Enkay I'm grateful.

I had serious giggles with the male opinions as they sought to offer help in their own special way....
ManCee: I do believe this is your first time on my blog and yet what an entrance! Thank you for your assurance that you would still love no matter my size and in ans to your question I don't have any thing 'caramely' LOL. I'm sweet enough.

Freaksho: You made me feel like I was in the Principal's office and like I was a princess all at the same time.

Roc: You watch Living Channel? Really? hahaha

DannyB: Only you, only you would ask me to check the measurement error of my scale! That is a classic Danny B thing to say. I was laughing solo in my office they thought I was nuts.

Anyway I don't want to go on only about weight (boring!), I just wanted to say thank you for caring.

Signed
Caramel Delight

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Other News

I tied headscarf on my head by myself for the first time ever!!!! This is big!!! This is huge!!!! I have done for people but with me I need assistance but there is no one at home and I was desperate so I just kept trying. When it stayed on my head and looked decent I felt like calling the BBC. I feel like I have passed a module in how to be a Nigerian woman 101. LOL.

Mum has bounced to Nigeria for five weeks, so home alone. Let me see if I can get up to any mischief. Who am I kidding? Probably won't. Might travel out of the city though for a break.

My body is going through this weird phase where I am sexually charged! Seriously no joke! For me to blog about it you know it's serious. I'm not sure where it came from but it's ridiculous. My friends say I'm glowing. I think I'm just giving out hormones or something into the air like a mating call. hahahahaha. If that is the case, I'm only pulling in 'men' 20 years or younger. It's weird. This whole year since January these young children have been after me. I don't understand. I swear the last one was 18!! For real! He asked if 'these were my ends?' and 'which hood I was repping?' I honestly answered 'HUH?'.

Anyway I'm off to grill fish and watch Poirot. I might tamper with my blog again. Don't worry if it looks odd later.
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Update (shebi I posted last night too lazy for a new one)

Freaky Bridesmaid Diet/Week 3 = Lost 2kg
Whoooooooo hoooooo. Okay I know it's a bit confusing but the summary is so far in three weeks I have lost 3 kg in total.

Black Monday

2009-04-20T12:40:00.002+01:00

This isn't a post, it's a wail of anguish.

Freaky Bridesmaid Diet/ Week Two:- GAIN 1kg

I suspected something was up on Sunday, I didn't feel like I did this time last week. So I did a quick weigh even though official weigh day is Monday. So I stepped on and it read my weight of last week (no change). I was burnt. So shocked and so hurt and astonished.

I was surprised because on Friday my dress (friends wedding next week) had to be altered and according to the tailor I had lost an inch on my bust, and hips and 1/2 inch on my waist. I was so happy.

Now this.

So yesterday I was bummed out but to my great astonishment I also started crying. I couldn't stop! I cried in the shower and while getting dressed and finally got a grip and told myself to calm down. I ended up flat on the floor in the sitting room watching movies without being aware of what exactly I was watching.

So by the time this morning rolled around and I did my official weighing I was too exhausted to shout because of all I had cried yesterday. My Mum said I'm bloated because my period is next week but me I don't agree. In fact I don't know. I might have to increase my exercise even thought I'm working late this week.

Na wa oh! This means so much to me and I can't take failure of any kind. I'm not giving up or slacking or quitting. Nope! But I'm sad, there is no other word for it.

EASTER BLESSINGS

2009-04-14T00:35:00.001+01:00

They came, they ate, they left.

I came back from church and jumped into the kitchen with my Mother. We would cook, then rest! Then cook, then go back and sit down, haba! They came in bits and soon my small house was full. I invited my friend's brother for the lunch and the poor guy was surrounded by my female cousins and their kids talking about growing old gracelessly.

I carried babies and stopped little ones from putting chocolate hand prints on the wall.

I was saved from madness by remembering that Christ conquered death for me. Easter gives me hope!

They went for seconds and thirds and desert. No one offered to help wash up (JESUS LOVES ME).

Mum tried to put green beans on my plate....I'm on a diet but there is no need to be needlessly cruel!!

My stupidity aside, it was nice having family around. Especially the little ones who wanted to dance to Michael Jackson! Sliding down the stairs on their bums nearly induced a heart attack!! Where is my camera when you need it???

Down side...sink is blocked and refuses to see the light and behave. To my Mum's horror we may have to call a plumber.

Called home and America, some people’s phones were switched off! Tut tut, where is your Easter joy Night Owl?

I needed this break, ready to face the world!

Freaky Bridesmaid Diet/Week 1 = 2kg or 4.4lbs Whoooooo hooo! I stood firm in the face of sooooooo much bloody cake and chocolates.

Appendix (Menu)

· Roast turkey
· Roast chicken
· Roast potato
· Mashed potato
· Yam po
· Rice
· Fish fingers (for the kids but the adults chopped them oh!)
· Pumpkin and carrots and green beans
· Gravy
· Hot fudge cake and Victoria Sandwich cake

All sprinkled with the awesome fact that Christ thought we were worth the ultimate sacrifice

Stuff 'n' stuff (VIDEO UPDATE)

2009-04-09T10:42:00.000+01:00

In case you haven't seen this yet. Absolutely true and very funny. It's called 25 THINGS I HATE ABOUT FACEBOOK! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVA047JAQsk

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Wanted to post my fav hymn for Holy Week but can't find it in my handbag. Will do it later.
Just found out a mutual friend is bi. What do you say to that? Nothing. You put on kettle and make tea.
Woke up in a rush and wore the wrong trousers to work. Currently looking like a hooker in my office but luckily found long cardigan.
Second day of freaky bridesmaid diet. I miss complex carbs.
Still coughing and sniffling (not attractive).
Mum has decided we are having big Easter cookout. I get to finally do my roast ....for 20!!All welcome.
I miss dating and male attention. Got asked out, wasn't interested. I hope I'm not going back to days of ice maiden. I better not have hang ups from the whole Baked Beans debacle. That would be such a silly girly thing to do!
I am grappling with social networking sites on behalf of my college as part of viral marketing hmmmm! Twitter is not fun!
Hope a channel shows Jesus of Nazareth this week. It's not right if you don't watch Jesus of Nazareth over Easter week :)

What happened that weekend

2009-04-02T15:20:00.002+01:00

Blogging is a hobby and a joy. Not just writing but reading my favourite posts and writing comments and reading comments! But for the first time in ages, my job has made sure I can't do the above properly. Sorry for the delay in relaying what happened after my rant. I didn't want to write it in a rush.

Big kiss and hug to all those that asked after me. I really do appreciate it. I guess what sprung me into action of writing is getting emails in my inbox asking if I'm OK. LOL! I was shocked, so I am responding by fire by force :)

** I'm so sleepy, period pains didn't allow me sleep and I fell like Mike Tyson has pummeled my torso so watch out for any typos.
____________________________________________________________________

Just before I had found out about the meeting, I had come home that Wednesday night to our house phone ringing and my Mum indisposed, so with my coat still on I picked the phone:

Caramel: hello, hello hello? [silence and scratching like NITEL] hello?
Dad: [in Igbo and shouting] Will you keep quiet! I'm trying to talk and you are talking! Shut up so that you can hear me!
Caramel: [in Igbo] is that why you must raise your voice? I really couldn't here anything! Why must you shout at me? I didn't do anything on purpose!

He then dropped the phone on me and called my Mum's mobile. It was after that that my Mum remembered to tell me the good news about the family meeting.

Fast forward to Friday morning. After my rant on Wednesday I had calmed down and decided to just bear the bloody meeting and see what it was about. As I got up, my Mum came into the room to tell me that my Dad (who had come back from a trip to Birmingham the night before) had told her he was not happy with me answering back on the phone call and shouting at him (I hadn't raised my voice one bit). He was going to 'seriously talk' to me about it. My Mum advised me to just apologise and let it blow over so my Dad wouldn't fuss.

Hey! That was it! I lost it. I was so angry inside. I just nodded at my Mum and tried to get ready for work but I was so gutted. I am not coming home from work to be shouted at for no reason and then stand trial for pointing out the obvious. There and then I vowed I wasn't coming for the meeting that night (I have never done that before!).

I arranged with my friend (PL) to go to her seamstress that evening but she wasn't feeling well, so I bit the bullet and asked if I could hide out in her flat till late in the evening. (I have been avoiding her flat as she lives with her brother, ex-hottie, former object of my desire but I was desperate). So that is where I stayed, till late and got home around 11pm.

I thought they were sleeping but about 20 minutes later, I could hear raised voices and lo and behold I realised they were arguing! so loudly and on and on and on. Imagine! I was amazed. What type of middle of the night argument is this one? With their lights off and everything! They went on till after midnight, I don't even know when they finished because I crashed.

So oh, Saturday morning I hear the door slam around 8am and thought someone was putting the rubbish out but it was my Dad leaving the house. He didn't tell anyone where he was going and he switched of his phone. He was meant to go and see my Aunt but never turned up there and by that time my Mum was worried. I wasn't! I knew he was doing it to sulk. He had done it before. He turned up later at 4pm.

My Mum asked me in the morning, didn't I remember about the meeting? I said, nope I didn't. Next question, are there any other diets I can try? (See they were talking about me). I said I will give one another go because my friend was going to do it with me. At this point I was depressed. I went to see a tailor and was meant to go to Luton to see my friend and her family but I took forever at the tailor and wanted to cancel going to Luton but my friend insisted. The long and short of it is after many adventures getting there and coming back (including getting lost, missing trains and getting fined: stupid national rail) I came home at 11.30.

I didn't do that one on purpose but I think my parents thought I did because of the atmosphere in the house. My Dad just said "they are looking for a missing 35 yr old woman please don't stay out late on your own. That was all I got. Sunday the house was too busy because my Dad was flying home on Monday. I helped him pack and ironed shirts and that was that.

It's a shame they fought but the best thing I ever did for myself was not coming home that Friday evening because the full force of my Dad would have been aimed at me because of the phone call and the audacity of me not being a size 12. I know my parents love me and I will never take that for granted but I still mean it when I say it's time for me to move on.

I'm too old for this crap

2009-03-25T20:17:00.002Z

My Dad is calling 'family meeting' in Friday. My response to my Mum telling me this is 'what did I do now?'

Of the past three years the equation is: FAMILY MEETING = FAT & UNMARRIED CARAMEL

This is the burden of my individual family situation. My Dad likes to flex paternal muscles everytime he is around and I'm so over it. I'm stressed at work and like my home to be a refuge. Family meeting my bum!

I'm too old for this crap! I would have moved from my house if not that I am sending all my spare money home to help finish my parents home. Once that house is finished, I'm asking for a raise and moving out.

I'm done, it's enough.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY and the carrot cake debacle

2009-03-22T09:53:00.006Z

Happy Mother's Day (UK) to all the Mums, mother figures and potential mothers out there. They have the hardest and the most blessed calling in the whole world.

As I am still in domestic goddess mode from last week, I decided in celebration of British spring (yes oh we have sunshine and flowers praise God) to do a full English Roast with roast chicken, potatoes and veg and of course gravy, with carrot cake and custard for dessert. Then my Mum says;

"Oh Mother's Day, when's that? Oh oh, I doing a double shift, won't be home all day."

[SIGH]

This is why it's not good to get too exicted about things. I had missed the last two Mother's Day because I had been in Nigeria for Youth Service so I was hyped up..... Oh well.

I did the carrot cake anyway so she could take it to work for the other nurses that were working and I made another one for my friend's birthday. Now yesterday when I told my Dad I'm going to buy flour and stuff he had raised the whole fat girls shouldn't eat cake. I sweetly told him that both cakes were not for the this house and had external destinations.

Imagine my horror when we came back from church this morning and my Dad said:

"Stay away from sugar, the cake I ate last night (3am!) should not be in the house."

[aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

He had cut out a big chunk of someone's birthday cake. I had to use everything in my power not to flip and grouch. I had to point out that he has to work on listening to me when I speak and not tuning me out. I'M NOT HIS SPOUSE DAMN IT! I had even told him yesterday that there was a small cake with less fat and sugar I had made for him in the fridge. He bypassed that one and went for the big cake. Chai! I don't understand oh. When I spoke to him football, news and cowboy films were not showing, so where did it all go wrong?

I am now going to scrap together ingredients for another cake as the real owner is coming today to collect it. Someone give me a drink!

PS Jade Goody RIP. My dear you used what you had to the best of your abilities. May angels watch over your sons.

The unsung hero of Nollywood and other news

2009-03-17T15:41:00.003Z

Afrobabe's post today asked what reminds us of our roots. Among other things I mentioned my wrapper and RocNaija was lamenting but Afro said it was sexy and Mizchif claimed it was a necessity. This is an article of clothing that can't be taken lightly...not at all! If the wrapper was a modern day invention and brought to me to promote, gosh! It would be a marketing dream come true. Check the myriad of uses:-

Primarily as a body wrap and modesty protector. It could be a skirt (lower part of your body), halter dress (tie it around your neck) or dressing gown (across your chest but be careful as it might make your boobs saggy).

It is a baby sling par excellence! How many mothers/baby carers will testify to this? For all of you that didn't know, your baby is soothed by your heartbeat from the back of your torso, while leaving your hands free to do the other million things women have to do.

It's a mini blanket when the weather is too hot for normal bed linens.

It can be a towel (true talk, I went to boarding school and saw with my two eyes).

Also when rolled up it can be used as a protector when carrying stuff on your head!

OK check it, how many points? 5!! Serious practical uses, now let us analyse Afro's claim of it's sexiness. Now please men feel free to contradict me but I personally know guys that have a weird freaky wrapper thing including an ex of mine. Every time he saw me in one he just had to pull it! He couldn't help himself. Other friends have mentioned the same freaky wrapper thing to me also. Maybe for guys it's the knowledge that one pull will reveal something! LOL! Like an adult version of Tales by Moonlight hehehehehe. Finally I have never seen a traditional bride more beautiful than with this current fashion of wearing wrapper only over her chest (old school style) and beads.

Last but not least, Nollywood would be lost without a wrapper or two thrown into every other scene. Fabulous! I rest my case!

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In other news, another bridesmaid came to my rescue when she said that not only did she have that dress already for another wedding earlier in the year but that it was bought in America for less than 1/2 the price of the London cost! Praise be to God in heaven!! So now one of the bride's cousins is doing research! Please join me in thanking God oh!

I have been a witness to real e-love while my friend has been in London. Her and her Oga are missing each other seriously oh! There is no technological gadget that has not been used to keep in touch. Phone calls, IM, texts, mobile IM's, picture messaging, Google Earth! I tell you all that is left is Twitter LOL! It's romance in the 21st century. It's the sweetest and the nerdiest thing ever!

I channeled my inner Bree from Desperate Housewives and cleaned my house from top to bottom. Especially my room. There are too many nooks and corners for things to disappear. I even found my birth certificate and I didn't know it was even missing! Chai! All that cleaning must have burnt calories (Lord knows it wasn't anything else) as I am feeling quite Caramelicious ;)

MONDAY HAPPINESS/ BRIDESMAID ISSUES

2009-03-09T17:14:00.005Z

Fig 1

I survived! I survived!!!!! I'm totally tired but I got through last week! Praise the Lord! Buttercup do the shuffle! Also because of my sterling work (nothing broke and no one died ha!) and the fact I had to come in to work today, I get Wednesday, Thursday and Friday off to compensate my lost weekend.

In breaking news, My Dad went to Germany for a mini break and my Mum is going a bit later too! This is big news! My Mum never goes on a break! She works on her days off and we always argue about it but now she is going for about four days! THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY INDEED!

The best mood enhancing news is [drum roll please] MY HOME GIRL IS HERE FOR A VISIT! Woo hooo!!!! It's like having a little bit of Naija sunshine (wink wink) in cold London! It's great. I know her Oga isn't sharing my happiness but he has to share abeg, she will soon zoom back to Lagos! The downer is that I go to work but really she isn't home either: the babe no gree! She is on a shopping mission that could bring tears to your eyes. I think Gordon Brown should meet her because she can personally jump start the British economy and reverse the economic downturn LOL!

So you can see why I am starting my own conga line (I'm also hyped on coffee to keep my eyes open)!

__________________

Obviously life won't let you be completely stress free but they won't get me I will still rejoice no matter what.... What is the problem I here you ask?

My cousin and longtime friend is getting married and I'm a bridesmaid. Just got an email that the dress is £175!!! I nearly fainted in my office! £175 for a dress alone! Nothing else! I really can't afford that without something else suffering (like my savings). I just don't earn enough for that! I politely raised the issue but I know she has made up her mind. Meanwhile another bridesmaid is sending email that her cheque is in the post! No support there then! Chai!

For her I would do it but what makes it worse is that the dress (though pretty) is sleeveless! Ewo! I don't do that at all. I hate seeing ladies hiking up the top part of the corset when they think no one is looking. My chest needs straps! Always have, always will. Even if I was skinny I have issues with upper arms and that fold women get between boobs and armpits! As you can see in Fig 1, Caramel likes jackets!! What a quandary! I'm a 16/18 and not loving the thought of that wedding day anymore. Does anyone have advice?

PS I'm not stressed! Just mildly irritated. In the grand scheme of things it's not that big a deal. This is my 5th time as a bridesmaid so I have a had a good run if this is my first stress inducing moment. When I get to hideous creations like 27 Dresses then we will start crying LOL!

I wasn't going to write but..NAIJA BLOGGERS AWARD has forced my hand (UPDATE)

2009-03-04T19:42:00.005Z

See as God is my witness, I have so many things to say but my brain won't get into first gear.

I love being part of this Nigerian community but the awards have me scared! I went to vote so that I can be supportive of the hard work the girls have put in and I felt a bit faint LOL! I would love to win something (really who wouldn't??) but after seeing that roll call of FABULOUS bloggers, I quietly voted and went to go and eat my garri and oha soup....

Category A is deep! No chance for Caramel's bum to see space. If you see anything that reminds you of me in Category B, then God bless you! Yes this is me campaigning (my Mum said nothing ventured, nothing gained).

In other news....

My Dad is here for his post op check up, the TV and I had a teary farewell. We won't see each other for a long time, while my Dad is here.

I'm in charge of a kick ass project at work and I am so stressed that there is grey hair in my weave. I just have to survive today till end of Sunday and I can breathe a bit better.

I keep getting an email from Diamond Bank to verify a cheque by giving them my account number!!! O gini??? In my whole time at home for NYSC I never used one tiny toe to enter Diamond Bank! I find it very offensive when fellow Nigerians try to 419 me! I'm not white!!

I recently had a whole week of not thinking about Baked Beans! Fabulous! I think I'm getting better! Do the shuffle!

For anyone who watches MTV Base, I met Trevor Nelson today! Woo hoo! I was very professional while giggling on the inside! He is an alumni of my college and came to shoot a promo video for our new campus.

I was a bit worried that I had lost my inner goddess so I glamed up a bit and tried to remember how to smile at a man (so out of practice because I currently avoid them like the plague) flashed a look at a gentleman and he nearly walked into a bathroom door hehehehe!

UPDATE

Last night I woke up randomly at 5am and then went back to bed again and had the most intense dream. I dreamt that my family went out and I stayed at home, so when they came back they handed over a child to me to bathe and I thought 'hang on, my brother is way bigger than this!' Then I realised he was my child! When I put him to bed I lay on my side looking at him and grumbled (good naturedly) that I can't see anything of myself in him, only that he is fair and thank God that his father's family are good looking if not there would have been trouble. In the dream, while on the bed all I could see was a close up of his face, but he was so beautiful down to his eyelashes. Also in the dream I knew I loved him! Could feel it so strongly. I don't know where that dream came from, kids are the LAST thing on my mind at this moment and I'm more used to babysitting girls than boys but WOW! That was my baby, I just KNOW IT. I was spooked when I woke up, let me tell you. I had to write this down so I don't forget.

PS At work today trying to set up for an exhibition over the weekend, I was so stressed I kept muttering, I want a biscuit, I want a biscuit! Wetin do me? That's why Lent is so important. It shows us how much care we put in things of the world instead of leaning on spiritual help. Whether food, alcohol, or bad habits. It's time to focus on what counts, no biscuits!

You don't have to vote for me (ahem, ahem) but make sure you do vote at the awards, it will be fun!

I can't settle, it's all so random.

2009-02-20T12:26:00.003Z

I'm a terrible employee.

I haven't done serious work today. I have been organising and sorting a few things but no serious creative work. I can't FOCUS! I nearly clapped my hands in glee when I realised that four of my favourite bloggers had posted new stuff. I could read and not have to work! I can't find my centre and I am terribly tired. I decided to drink a can of Red Bull but now I feel nauseous bleurgh!

I don't feel like I'm living. I feel like I'm treading water and passing time. A friend asked me yesterday what's new with me and I thought 'bloody hell not much'. I am running a mini marathon in May for Cancer Research but the excitement of a challenge was very short lived( I'm allergic to exercise so I should be a bit more worried, no?)

NOTHING EXCITES ME ANYMORE

I need my pillow, hairnet, and duvet in no particular order but since that won't be happening for while yet let me do like Maria and think of my favourite things before I fall into total self pity :)

1. Ribena. It's totally fabulous and versatile. You can make it normally, mix it with milk and make it hot water! Yum!

2. Finding the few Agatha Christie books that I haven't read yet. I can't get enough of that woman.

3. When you have been busy all day and haven't eaten and your tummy looks flat. Tres fabulous!

4. Kiddie hugs. Awwwwwww. My god daugther and her sister spent the day at mine yesterday (it's half term) and the stampede when I came back from work was lovely! I even had a picture drawn in my honour. Bless!

5. [MEN CLOSE YOUR EYES] Taking off my bra at the end of a long day. Women you know what I mean! Sheer bliss.

6. Dbanj's latest album. I don't have to skip one single track. I'm so proud. When Igwe comes on, I even look for a couple of white hankies so I can boogie Anambra stylee.

7. Four hour long IM conversations. I gave up my IM crown a long time ago but it has been dusted off and I'm in danger of re-crowning myself. It also helps when you flow so easily with the person you are chatting with.

8. Karaoke. No need to say anymore.

9. Comments on my posts. I can and did write for over a year before I started getting steady comments but there is joy in getting other points of view, and responses that make you see that yes, other people understand what you are blabbing about. Shout out to Phoenix, my most loyal reader xxx

10. Fresh weave! (BFF your life is under threat if you make a comment about my love of fake hair!)

PS What does it mean if someone says you didn't play in sand as a child?

PPS Abeg share your own favourite things. It's Friday, let's share the joy and cocoon me till I can go home!

Let's hear it for the men

2009-02-11T20:31:00.005Z

I have to put my hand on my heart and say that I live for the most times a quiet life. There are times though when drama seems to find a way to my doorstep. What I am trying to teach myself as a young woman is to shape how I handle the drama in itself.

Over the past few days the two usual suspects whose alias are all up and down my blog decided to tag team me with drama inducing actions. Monday was the height with Baked Beans making a one month old entrance into my life to try and mess with my head.

I'm calm now, but I tell you I wasn't calm before. I wanted to shout and curse these two men that can get under my skin and tip my equilibrium. Then I thought about how I would write on my blog what happened and you blessed inhabitants of Blogsville would say 'don't mind them' and 'foolish men' and would stroke my hair and pat my back (don't worry Aloofar it's all virtual) and I would be assured.

But you see, it doesn't have to be that way at all! I don't have to give in totally to the negativity. It is in my power to direct how to deal with what life throws my way. So instead of bitching about the last couple of days. I'm going to dilute that crap and think about all the FABULOUS MEN in my life. Instead of moaning about a few individuals (who are confused idiots) I'm going to sing the praises of men :)

Family

Daddy first and foremost! Haha! We have issues but I love him die. He always is so proud of me and when I was little he would take me everywhere (my Mum called me 'his handbag'). When stupid people would say in front of me (not knowing that I could speak Igbo), what a shame that such a great man only has one girl, I would laugh because I knew to my Dad I was worth 10 boys. As an adult I can now respect his efforts in battling to teach me Igbo in a foreign country while growing up. Wow! I always drew battle lines. You can imagine how happy I am now to go into my church in the village and join in praying the rosary without batting an eyelid and that is all down to my Dad. PS Any small elegance and style you see in me, him also (my Mum won't argue that either !)

Uncles! Givers of pocket money and merchants of fun! Diluters of parental beefing and most loyal fan club members (even now I'm older they still are my cheering section), and let us not forget the countless rounds of picking me up from airports and ABC bus parks. My Uncles always have my back and because on both sides of the family, they were mainly younger than my parents, they were a bridge between us. PS they are also good at smuggling alcohol to you for a sip at grown up parties LOL.

Cousins! Defenders of my social life! Between 14-24, when we go to my hometown during Easter and Christmas if my Paternal Unit had had his way, Caramel no go see the gate of her house, but add these magic words:- "Daddy, X is going too and I'll be with him" then Eureka I was allowed! It always worked! Praise the Lord! Also as an only child being comfortable in someones home and not feeling like an extra wheel is something that money can't buy. I had two cousins in a nearby Federal School while I was in boarding too and they would write me letters regularly, before mobiles and emails...no small thing at all. My male cousins are worth their weight in PLATINUM!

Baby Bro! One and only. Because of him I now worry about what the world will be like in the future. I feel more responsible because I want to make sure the world is a safe and happy place for him. When I'm with him he keeps me on my toes intellectually because you have to think of convincing stories to get him to do things like the dreaded night bath! A hug from him has the power to turn your day sunny side up!

Friends

They are worth a post all by them selves. I really didn't have proper male friends till I was in university but they gave me a chance to be viewed through male eyes just as I was, not as a niece or daughter or cousin. They are the smallest group of men in my lives but that makes them just more precious. Actually thinking about it, they are less than 10. You can't add guys that liked you (sexually) or vice versa and it didn't work out because that is soooooo not the same and riddled with emotional land mines. I can pick their brain about the elusive male pysche and get honest answers and indulge in my secret nerd life that my female friends can't stand (Lord of the Rings/Captain Planet/Defenders of the Earth, anyone?) LOL!

Those that made me moonstruck! I think they actually need a post by themselves. For now let us give them props for making me giddy, for teaching me how to engage my naturally given feminine whiles, for ecstatic highs and depressing lows, making me learn how to sit up straight automatically and feeling like every single mushy song, whether happy or sad was written for me.

THE END...shebi? hahahaha NO!

Blogsville Men! You may be the minority but you all are a very powerful one! How colourless would the World Wide Web be without you all. I don't want to name names, but sometimes I read what you all write and I shake my head in wonder that you don't have laurels drapped around your neck. Your wit and astute humour kill me, your social commentaries make me think, your short fiction transports me to heavenly levels and the effect you have on us ladies is entertainment in itself (total so far:- one loved up couple making everyone mushy, one freshly ended blog site comment war, one heat inducing fantasy storyline and numerous crushes LOL)!!

Dedicated to two special men. Uncle Ike and my cousin Onyeka. We miss you and we love you. You both still mean the world to me. RIP

Cold on the outside and sizzling on the inside

2009-02-02T13:37:00.011Z

I'm home on a Monday and here is why.......

The view outside my window at 7am this morning.

The balcony!

The "I'm not going to work today because my train route is covered by snow" winter collection! (I love the penguins and it's so warm).

My friends, Emerald Queen on the left (who some of you will have read about) and SJ. They made a snow woman early this morning and sent the pics via email! I'm not the only crazy one!! We have a Training Programme Manager and a Lawyer putting thongs on a snow woman! Gotta love them!

Why are we excited? Because London doesn't get snow like this ever! The last time they recorded snowfall like this was 18 years ago and the transport couldn't cop hence 1/2 the city is at home and on Facebook! LOL

So why is it sizzling inside? Because of moi!!

Over the weekend all sorts happened to and around me, but the most surprising that really shocked me was that I saw a guy (actually saw him twice) and for the first time in a year I thought "wow that guy is REALLY cute" and actually did a double take.

It has been so long since I actually found anyone remotely attractive that it was a bit of a shock to the system. Also after sitting up straight and fluffing my hair (not that that would have helped in any way but it's instinctive I tell you), my next reaction was a voice in my head saying..

"Uhuh, you have started again! You have started your nonsense. You like what they say and you like how they look and now your batting your non-existent eyelashes and someone who can't even see you. Then you will do something stupid along the way and feel like a right plonker."

So I mentally slapped myself (it hurts just as much as a real slap) and shut down all female receptors. How annoying to feel this way, but that's how it is! Do not feel like even thinking about stuff like that because after Christmas there is only so much one woman can take.

But let me tell you what I miss sometimes....Being in a man's arms. Ohhhhh! A real honest to goodness copyrighted Man Hug (c)! Where you are trapped against a lovely immovable chest and lovely strong arms ohhhh! And since we are on the subject, kisses lovely well placed kisses!!! My favourite is when they come up behind you and your senses are on high alert, like you can feel them before they actually step close and place their arms around you from behind. The best part is that you can't move your arms and you get tiny well placed butterfly kisses from your nape, to the side of your neck , to an ear nibble to your lips and the party starts! Also hands are free to wander up and down.....Hmmmmm

Yep I'm going to go roll in the snow and cool down!

Answers and Updates

2009-01-26T15:37:00.005Z

Thank you all that played along, it was great therapy looking at your answers :)

1. The singular most happiest time in my life was when I was chosen with other British students to go to Rome as part of the Catholic University students delegation. We were there as part of a conference in preparation for World Youth Day and also to celebrate the commissioned Icon of The Madonna and Child that toured universities across Europe. Part of that celebration was mass in St Peter's and I was part of the choir singing for John Paul II. Anytime I'm really low I remember that trip and feel better!

2. As my second job during uni I did background casting. That is the extras in the shop, church, train wherever the scene is being shot. So we did an American Express advert with Kate Winslet and she was very cool and chatted with everyone. It was freeeeeeeeeezing that day but we kept our spirits up! She is one of the best British actresses out there.

3. I am meant to have an operation this year but I have cancelled it because I can't reconcile going under on an operating table for my teeth. So if you picked three you were very right! Clap for Temite, Sirus, Touched by an Angel and Saved Girl and my cousin who 'guessed' hmm LOL!

4. My poor Mum was in agongy after her first trimester, in Enugu they told her it was appendicitis but fibrods were slowly strangling my food supply. Luckily she got a second opinion and she flew to England for medical intervention. She carried me to 37 weeks by the grace of God but fibrods never let her have a successful pregnancy again.

_____________________________________________

I spoke to my Dad about that lady and the emails and his only beef was that she gave the guy my details without telling him (my Dad) first. See! I told you he was in there somewhere!!! I told him specifically to tell the lady for me to back off and don't try anything again.

Do you know what he did?

He called me the next day and without any warning passed the phone to her!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Men!!! There now followed an awkward conversation where the woman just wound me up more and I quickly got the point of thanks but no thanks I don't like hook ups where you run with your mouth and you have dodgy friends! She now told me to keep praying (I wanted to tell her where she could shove her prayer but I bit my toungue, God helped).

I AM STARTING TO BELIEVE THAT BEING NICE IS NOW A LIABILTY (any thoughts ?)

3 truths, 1 lie and malaria

2009-01-22T11:44:00.004Z

Who is the silly girl that has been cussing her friends saying that they are giving her the flu, only to realise that she has brought malaria back with her? Yep! me! Duh!!!!!!!

So I'm on one sexy drug like that can't remember the name and I'm at home cos I keep throwing up! (Lovely)!! Well I'm not going down with a fight but I am boreddddddd! Work is good for the soul I tell you, I have nothing to do at home! Funnily enough I'm not miserable, just pukey and headachey etc

So Doug tagged me with sexy English like this (na wa oh) and I have to tell two truths and one lie but that's so done man! Let's bump it up to three truths for entertainment's sake and you have to guess so here goes........

1. I've sang for Pope John Paul II in Rome.
2. I have worked with Kate Winslet.
3. I am going to have minor surgery later this year.
4. I nearly died in my Mum's womb.

I have to now tag people but everyone I know has done it. Let me see....... Okay let's go for the gents this time. AlooFar and Muse the spotlight is on you! Don't leave a sick girl hanging oh!

Other random thoughts in my head include:-

It's freezing outside. All cold winds and icy rain and grey dense clouds! Very Wuthering Heights!!
My boobs are bigger hence time to double the exercise (after my strength is back though!!)
Obama re-took his oath!!! Wow!!! I don't blame him shah! Before people start carrying his name in gossip that he stumbled over that line.

The man madness continues......

2009-01-19T10:11:00.003Z

While I was in Nigeria I met a lady who goes to my Father's church. She came to visit my Mum and I and joked at why I was still single (you know the usual). Later after visiting us and bringing her kids to play with my bro she asked for my number and I gave it to her without thinking anything of it.

While in Lagos she sent me a text saying that can I give her my email cos there is a nice quiet guy she wants to just say hi to and talk etc. Now I don't like hook ups. They don't work for me but I didn't want to offend her and I thought well email can't hurt. That day, they guy texted me!! Then called and I pretended like I couldn't hear well and asked to call him later. I was fuming that she gave him my number!!!

Imagine my horror at the emails that I have copied below!!! Have you even heard such rubbish!!!

Hello,
Good Day. I just got your address from one of my friends, Ada. She's got so much to tell me but we've got so little a time to talk about it. If what she's saying is true, kindly do a little mail just to ensure me that she's not trying to play a fast one on me.
Have the best of the day.
________________________________

Hello,
First of all please accept my apologies. When you called me I was in a frantic rush trying to get everything ready from my trip back home and when I got back I have been sucked straight into madness at work. What did she say to you? I will try my best to unravel any mysteries. CaramelD
___________________________________

Thanks for the swift response. Actually, she started by telling me so many good things about one of her cousins but ended up telling me that she's full of loneliness. Refusing a hand of friendship doesn't sound reasonable to me so I accepted it with all honesty.
But it all sounded more like a mystery and fallacy cos she was telling me you wanted to settle down with someone down here. Sincerely, it didn't sound cool to me cos I see no reasons for it and I've not seen, even the image of the person in question. Anyway, as her friend, I couldn't let her feel bad cos she was full of enthusiasm about the whole thing.
My questions are:
Why would you want to go for someone down here when there are so many good ones there?
I sent you a text message, why didn't you respond to it?
Where are you, what are doing, and what are your expectations from a true friend?
I've got so many questions to ask, but taking it in bits will be better.
Have the best of the day.
_________________________________________________

Good evening,
Thank you very much for your illuminating and alarming email. I think wires have been crossed here. Please do not trouble yourself on my account. I am not 'full of loneliness', and I have no burning desire to go man shopping in Nigeria. Consider this a comedy of errors and I wish you all the best for the year.

Miss Delight
______________________________________________

Good morning.
Thanks for your response. Atleast it has shown the type of friend I have in Ada. I'm sincerely sorry for bothering you with all those things I wrote.
Frankly speaking, I'm not going to take it light with her. I hate been taken for a ride.
Have the best of the best.

I am going to call my Dad and ask him to politely tell the lady to back off! I hope the guy shouts at her, next time she will think twice before shooting her mouth! Which kind stupid loneliness? Where did she hear that one? As for desparately seeking a man at home, I have a sneaking suspiscion that my Dad must have said something to her! Na wa oh! I will get to the bottom of this!

The Chronicles of Nigeria (Lows)

2009-01-14T11:00:00.002Z

I cried last night.

I was on the phone to my friend talking about other things and I started and couldn't stop until the weight in my chest had lifted.

I lied too. I lied to my friends when I hung out with them in Lagos. CK (who reads my blog) said that it sounded like Baked Beans had broken my resilience and I said no! Never! But the cracks were already there but I was holding them together. I didn't want one person to have the power to ruin my whole holiday. But now I'm back and couldn't pretend anymore hence the unexpected crying last night.

I feel better and I can write now.

It's hilarious reading my old posts where my biggest problem was whether I was going to sleep with him or not, or what I would say when we had our 'talk'! HA! I hardly even saw the boy. It all went to hell in a hand basket.

I saw him a grand total of three times in 10 days. The first time he was in a rush and zoomed in to get some things that were his from London. I didn't think I would see him that day, was in my towel and hurriedly dressed (so much for looking like a million bucks).

The second time (aaarrrggghhh). My cousin had a barbecue, an intimate all night type of thing. I live in my Grandfather's palace and they lock the gates at 11 for security so my cousin said I could come home with her and her hubby. Just that evening armed robber had done their usual and three people were killed nearby so everyone was keeping put and staying safe.

In comes BB and after saying hi and getting a drink proceeds to make me feel like the only glass of water in the desert! If I can hold that moment for ever I would. The way he looked at me..wow! Then he says slip away, spend the night with me, just be with me... CHAI! SEE MY LIFE!

I explain that I would want nothing more but not tonight. I have nothing on me (only phone), I'm staying with my older cousin so she will stretch her neck to look for me and that I can't slip away at 1 am in the morning. He asked and asked and I begged him to understand that I couldn't. The guy left and vexed for me for about four days......

We would talk briefly on the phone. Add in a couple of arguments and over polite chit chat. When I saw him for the last time it was at his sister's house (she is married to my cousin) I had spent the night there and we got a chance to be alone upstairs (we were using the Internet). The boy would blow hot, then cold! Pull me close (then two minutes later) ignore me. When I was done with the Internet and wanted to go back downstairs, he wouldn't let me to the point of hands wandering under my top (cough cough). Then he told me to move off his lap he wants to read football news!

That was it!I didn't talk to him on the way home. I asked him if I was the only one excited that I was seeing him, he said no, that he was excited but that party night killed his mood! I left for Lagos two days later.
____________________________________________

You see the thing is that I can't shout! I have no platform to. I'm not a friend, I'm not a girlfriend... what am I? I'm someone who by his lack of communication he has hurt very much. He refuses to talk to me properly and I have been forced to reel myself in properly before I get completely undone.

All those months of talking of fears and dreams and hopes, seem to belong to a stranger they don't belong to me. I have come to the conclusion that I have to stay to myself for now and get my mind right. I deserve someone who wants ME, not someone for who I'm a convenience. I wish I knew what was going on in his head but my pride won't let me ask again, it is enough. There is only so much rejection I can handle. I think I saw this coming but not like this and not hurting this much.

The Chronicles of Nigeria (Highlights)

2009-01-12T17:05:00.004Z

Catching a dance troupe at my cousin's traditional wedding was great because I love them so much but never get a chance to see any. The ladies were on fire. I am inspired. I'm going to start one at my town association here in London. These dances are in danger of dying out with my generation of Nigerian girls (women) especially those of us that live abroad.

Same goes for Adanma (dancing masquerade) also at that the same wedding. The masquerade and my Mum did a dance off! Hilarious! Will try and get the video from my cousin.

A major highlight was being with my brother(centre with his cousins). He will be 5 in May and we can have better conversations as he gets older. I have already started his education on life (the important things like Neyo, Timberland and Ludacris) and he loves P-Square and Timaya! I loved sitting with him most evenings and going through his words and letters. We still have issues with numbers, apparently '90' comes after '49'......

Manicures and pedicures at 1/5th the London prices! Can I get a witness?

Last but not least were seeing my friends and old colleagues. Facebook and phone calls can only go so far!! My cousin's children are also growing at an alarming rate and it was good to see them running around, and also noisy! LOL

The Chronicles Of Nigeria (Prologue)

2009-01-10T08:36:00.001Z

Happy New Year!!!!

I don miss una die! I'm not being at all dramatic, I was in withdrawal because I didn't have Internet near me or available at convenient times (ie when I'm not at a wedding)!!!

How is everybody? Do grains of jollof rice still sing in your blood stream? ? Have you figured out what to do with that dodgy sweater you got as a present? Are you still warm and tingly from being surrounded by loved ones you haven't seen in a while (and the booze)? I am in Lagos and will be flying back tmrw morning. I have a friend's wedding to attend today and will be horribly late :)

Coming home was good for my soul. I have so much to tell you and will do so when I settle. For those who want to know, the whole man side of things was a disaster but whatever hurt that was caused to my psyche was mended by my friends ;) The joy in seeing them again cannot be described! Plus my taxi haggling skills are still good and I had boli!! Yipee!!!!

New Year Resolution: Call Father more often from London and get British driving license.

In my nightgown......

2008-12-27T10:56:00.003Z

...online looking for my e-ticket booking but have accidentally on purpose stumbled on my little corner of Eden. I'm packed sort off and I think I have used shoes to over compensate for my 'I don't feel attractive state of mind'. My parents keep calling because they have forgotten stuff in London and I'm meant to bring it so I keep unzipping!!!!

I have to run to the shops because I need batteries for my torch (NEPA preparations) and I'm sluggish and bloated because I'm late aarrggghhh!

OK OK OK I'm going to leave and get on with things so I can return and type quickly about Christmas day before I travel. See the drama! After all these months of non-Ex Hottie stories it all kicked off on Christmas and I have witnesses. I'm telling you, you try and mind your business and people want to start something!!!!

OK OK OK.... I'M GOING!

PS I hope you are all are doing fine xxxxxx

Doug tagged me and I can't remember the title!

2008-12-23T11:02:00.004Z

where is your cell phone? In my handbag

where is your significant other? I don't have one.

your hair color? Naturally dark brown

your mother? Imo State

your father? Anambra State

your favourite thing? Forever will be reading

your dream last night? I'm not sure but I think I wanted to pick someone who was stranded at the airport and my Mum wouldn't let me. Quite bizarre.

your dream/goal? Communications expert to the UN, NATO, Coca-Cola etc

your hobby? Reading, blogging, tv, karaoke, dancing, more dancing and fake hair!

your fear? Having to settle for less

where do you want to be in 6 years? In my own home, when a job that makes me happy and a man that understands how I tick.

where were you last night? Upstairs, ironing my Dad's shirts and watching NCIS

what you're not? Quiet and a lover of salads.

one of your wish list items? High heels that don't hurt, after going out this weekend twice in them my kness are a shadow of their former self!

where you grew up? London/Lagos/Owerri.

the last thing you did? Checked my bra and realised it was quite pretty!

your pet? Never had one.

your computer? At home, still newish, with a beautiful large screen, great for watching movies.

your mood? Resilient. I get stressed, then I get over it! Can be very happy and carefree too. The older I get the more I cut out things that add worry lines to my face. IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT!
missing someone? Not right now because I know I'll see them soon.

your summer? Was rubbish in London, total pants! Went to America for a couple of weeks and got some heat there.

love someone? Famliy and friends. Not that many.

your favourite colour? Black and pink!

when is the last time you laughed? A few minutes ago, reading blogs.

last time you cried? Last week, arguing with Baked Beans. Made me realise that come New Year it may all be over. Oh well. God dey!

are you genuine or fake? It actually takes a lot of energy to be fake! Who has that time? If I don't like you, I'll just keep my distance.

any vices? One bad habit, can you guess?

pro life or wire hanger? Pro life. Don't even go there with the wire hanger thing, that's just wrong! Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww

mccain or obama? The middle name of my first born son will be Barrack.

OK I tag Sirus and Freaksho, by the time they type finish they will be hunting me down (insert evil laughter!)

F#*k it!!

2008-12-18T15:14:00.004Z

Doug, my new blogsville BFF (LOL), asked in my last post, 'how you dey?', and I was about to type in fine, fine and I thought well actually no! I am slipping into bad habits that I promised myself after my last bout of illness that I wouldn't do.... I AM GETTING STRESSED!

Q: Why?

A: Because I am going home!

When ever I travel home from London, it needs the kind of planning that MI5 and the FBI would be proud of. Funding, logistics, infrastructure and public relations. Well not this time. I really can't give a rat's arse. My Mum always puts this pressure on me to make sure I have enough outfits, loose 5 stone, pack this and pack that, and make sure you have this present for so, so and so........

Well I say, F#*k it all !

When you now add all the Baked Beans drama (we had a nasty fight a couple of days ago, made me cry), the fact that my bum has gone nowhere, I am working right up till Christmas (have done nooooo shopping for myself and quite frankly probably won't be anymore) and my dear Dad is flying three days before me and making me run around for him too, well!!! A woman has limits!

So I Caramel Delight make this proclamation:

1. My hair is not fantastic

2. My body hasn't gone anywhere (see illustration above)

3. I'm not buying gifts for anyone (maybe sweets for the babies)

4. I'm not buying new clothes

5. I am reclaiming my sanity (JUST SAY NO TO STRESS)

So Doug, in answer to your question I am just peachy now :)

I am a kept woman!

2008-12-16T10:48:00.002Z

I Am a "Kept" Woman

You see, there were a few times when I thought I would lose my mind, But GOD kept me sane. (Isa. 26:3)

There were times when I thought I could go no longer, But the LORD kept me moving. (Gen 28:15)

At times, I've wanted to lash out at those whom I felt had done me wrong, But the LORD kept my mouth shut. (Psa. 13)

Sometimes, I think the money just isn't enough, But GOD has helped me to keep the lights on, the water on, the car paid, the house paid, etc.., (Matt. 6:25 -34)

When I thought I would fall, HE kept me up. When I thought I was weak, HE kept me strong! (I Pet. 5:7, Matt. 11:28-30)

I could go on and on and on, but I'm sure you hear me! I'm blessed to be "kept."

NB I got this from my friend but it resonated with me so much with the last month I have had. Being ill, stress at work, family drama and feeling broken! But you get some kind of strength and get up and keep going, I want to take this opportunity to acknowledge that the strength came from God through his instruments on earth!

Who needs cheering up?

2008-12-11T17:15:00.002Z